You may recall that 60 Minutes had an explosive True Facts About Benghazi story from a whole week ago? Yeah, us neither. But there was this one guy on the show, a security contractor for a British company, who revealed Shocking New Truths about the attack, and he was
So this is what <a href="http:\/\/i1115.photobucket.com\/albums\/k551\/denniverse\/diamond-dallas-page-0_zps3f760711.jpg" target="_blank">Diamond Dallas Page</a> has been up to?
Defense: So, Mr. Davies, you testify that, on the night in question, you were standing outside the liquor store, heard the shot, and then saw the defendant run out of the store with a gun in his hand. And that you even ran after him.
Witness: Yes, that&#039;s right.
Defense: But in the statement that you gave to the police officer, just 22 minutes after the 911 call was logged, you claimed that you were down the street, and that when you heard the shot, you ducked into the alley, where you remained crouching beside a dumpster, until you saw the lights of the responding police car, and that you in fact never saw anybody exiting the liquor store, or leaving the scene.
Witness: Well, yea. I guess I made that up.
Defense: And why was that?
Witness: Well, you see, I&#039;d been totally trying to get into his (indicates the defendant) sister&#039;s pants, and I knew she wouldn&#039;t have anything to do with me if she found out I was finking her brother.
Defense: So you lied.
Witness: Yea, I guess so.
Defense: Then, but not now?
Witness: No, I&#039;m being righteous now.
Defense: And what made you decide to &#039;come forward&#039; and &#039;tell the truth&#039;. Did the defendant&#039;s sister still reject your advances?
Witness: No, I actually tapped that. But she was like, all &#039;commitment&#039; and shit so I got out of that! But then the next chick I was trying to nail was all like &quot;this guy they talk about in the paper, who says he was cowering in the alley, sounds like a real pussy,&quot; and how she&#039;d bet he had a really small dick and all, so I figured out real quick that the story I&#039;d... uh... made up... wasn&#039;t working any more, so I say &quot;Hey, I was there too and I totally saw it all, even chased the dude for a block!&quot; Worked like a charm!
Defense: Soooo, you admit that you are a liar, and that you lie for personal advantage?
Witness: Well...
Defense: You&#039;re Honor, the Defense moves for dismissal, as clearly the State&#039;s principle witness, by his own admission, completely lacks credibility.
Okay, so I&#039;ve been ignoring BENGHAZI! since, approximately, Benghazi, but this has convinced me that there is, in fact, a scandal. Why the fuck are we hiring welsh mercenaries to protect our embassy, who are told by their boss to stay in their beach house when the embassy is under attack, when we have a whole lot of young men with guns working for our government at very reasonable rates, who are very good at protecting things?
You know, I&#039;m old enough (ha, 66 today) to remember when 60 Minutes was actually a thing worth paying attention to. When controversy about their programs was a side effect of the actual investigation, rather than artificially stirred up purely for entertainment purposes.
I&#039;ll tell uuns what really happened at Benghazi but just dont go looking for proof that I was 2000 miles away at the time it happened,just because those photos of me at the kids birthday party at the same time of the attack dont mean shit I tell you. Obama planned the whole thing then didnt offer help cause him and Reggie Love was ghey buttsechsin each other with a kilo of coke while Hillz was ghey sechsin Michelle and saying what does it really matter
So this is what <a href="http:\/\/i1115.photobucket.com\/albums\/k551\/denniverse\/diamond-dallas-page-0_zps3f760711.jpg" target="_blank">Diamond Dallas Page</a> has been up to?
As far as I know, there are no Rugby fields in Libya to test this theory.
The Republicans have become like OJ looking for the real killer without using a mirror.
Defense: So, Mr. Davies, you testify that, on the night in question, you were standing outside the liquor store, heard the shot, and then saw the defendant run out of the store with a gun in his hand. And that you even ran after him.
Witness: Yes, that&#039;s right.
Defense: But in the statement that you gave to the police officer, just 22 minutes after the 911 call was logged, you claimed that you were down the street, and that when you heard the shot, you ducked into the alley, where you remained crouching beside a dumpster, until you saw the lights of the responding police car, and that you in fact never saw anybody exiting the liquor store, or leaving the scene.
Witness: Well, yea. I guess I made that up.
Defense: And why was that?
Witness: Well, you see, I&#039;d been totally trying to get into his (indicates the defendant) sister&#039;s pants, and I knew she wouldn&#039;t have anything to do with me if she found out I was finking her brother.
Defense: So you lied.
Witness: Yea, I guess so.
Defense: Then, but not now?
Witness: No, I&#039;m being righteous now.
Defense: And what made you decide to &#039;come forward&#039; and &#039;tell the truth&#039;. Did the defendant&#039;s sister still reject your advances?
Witness: No, I actually tapped that. But she was like, all &#039;commitment&#039; and shit so I got out of that! But then the next chick I was trying to nail was all like &quot;this guy they talk about in the paper, who says he was cowering in the alley, sounds like a real pussy,&quot; and how she&#039;d bet he had a really small dick and all, so I figured out real quick that the story I&#039;d... uh... made up... wasn&#039;t working any more, so I say &quot;Hey, I was there too and I totally saw it all, even chased the dude for a block!&quot; Worked like a charm!
Defense: Soooo, you admit that you are a liar, and that you lie for personal advantage?
Witness: Well...
Defense: You&#039;re Honor, the Defense moves for dismissal, as clearly the State&#039;s principle witness, by his own admission, completely lacks credibility.
Judge: Motion granted.
Okay, so I&#039;ve been ignoring BENGHAZI! since, approximately, Benghazi, but this has convinced me that there is, in fact, a scandal. Why the fuck are we hiring welsh mercenaries to protect our embassy, who are told by their boss to stay in their beach house when the embassy is under attack, when we have a whole lot of young men with guns working for our government at very reasonable rates, who are very good at protecting things?
CT:
Just like the great Groucho Marx story about an identical incident. The lady says &quot;Who are you going to believe - me or your eyes?&quot;
I very sad about Laura Logan. She&#039;s been through Hell. This is just diappointing...
Wait, beach house?
Beach house?
Jesus fucking christ.
There&#039;s always Craig. He makes up for a lot.
You know, I&#039;m old enough (ha, 66 today) to remember when 60 Minutes was actually a thing worth paying attention to. When controversy about their programs was a side effect of the actual investigation, rather than artificially stirred up purely for entertainment purposes.
Once you have admitted to deliberately and publicly lying, no one can ever be sure that what you are telling them now is the truth.
I&#039;ll tell uuns what really happened at Benghazi but just dont go looking for proof that I was 2000 miles away at the time it happened,just because those photos of me at the kids birthday party at the same time of the attack dont mean shit I tell you. Obama planned the whole thing then didnt offer help cause him and Reggie Love was ghey buttsechsin each other with a kilo of coke while Hillz was ghey sechsin Michelle and saying what does it really matter
Except, not the weather channel either: <a href="http://wonkette.com/532098/..." target="_blank">" rel="nofollow noopener" title="http://wonkette.com/532098/weather-channel-founde...">http://wonkette.com/532098/...
Next step: Oprah interviews him until he cries.
He&#039;ll still pull down five figures to speak to GO-Pee&#039;er events.
Honesty. How does it work?
Upfist infinity.
You know why they call it CBS? Because all you see is B.S.
*rimshot*