ADMIRAL Doctor Pill-Pusher Rep. Ronny Jackson? Haha, Ahem, No.
Lying, lying, is no fun, Captain Ronny, lying, lying hurts someone.
As one of the world’s foremost news analyzers, we are usually far too busy mocking Republican Congressman Ronny Jackson to pay attention to what his former Navy rank was. His fall from grace has just been so ridiculous: From seemingly normal White House doctor to Bush and Obama; to pill-pushing clown drunk White House doctor to Trump, seemingly spending most of his time examining the president memorizing his every flirty curve; and now the bottom rung of humanity’s ladder where he now sits as the conspiracy-theory-spewing Tiger King-cosplaying congressman of the cow-honking pigsnorts of the Texas panhandle.
But we feel like if we were on “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” we probably would have come up with “Admiral.” And we would have been WRONG, even though we’d probably still have gotten to keep our prize money on a technicality, because apparently Jackson has been lying about it these past couple years.
Turns out, after that Pentagon Inspector General report came out in 2021 — the one that said Jackson was a drunken shitshow as White House doctor, sexually harassed subordinates, dosed on Ambien even while he was on call traveling with the president, and so much more! — the Navy in July of 2022 quietly stripped Jackson of his rank.
He is not the former rear admiral (lower half), AKA one-star admiral he once was.
He is now classified as a former captain.
A WONKETTE REFRESHER.
His website still says “admiral” though, and the Washington Post says he didn’t respond to requests for comment. Wonder why he’s lying. (We haven’t seen a statement on either of his Twitter accounts yet either. That could of course change by the time you read this.)
If you are not a troop, next time you see one, ask them what’s more humiliating than being de-ranked, and then wait for their answer. That’s Ronny Jackson, the pathetic loser you see on Fox News with the wild eyes. That’s what he’s made of his life.
We spoke to a former Navy person who said considering what-all we know about Jackson — like for example, all the pill-pushing! — they are personally surprised the Navy didn’t go even harder on him, since our top-secret source said they once knew somebody who got hit with “trafficking” for bringing their friend a bag of weed. It sounds to us like they went pretty easy on him, considering what an embarrassment to the uniform he is.
Of course, at the time he was a sitting Republican congressman, as if that title confers honor and respect on a person in the year of our Lord 2024.
The Washington Post says the Navy’s demotion “carries significant financial burden in addition to the social stigma of stripped rank in military circles.” Currently, it’s a difference of $15,000 in annual pension, a gap the Post says will likely grow as pay raises are passed. So Congressman Drunky Pill-Pusher is also Congressman Poor, bless his heart.
And yes, in case you were wondering, it is highly inappropriate for Jackson to be omitting this Most Embarrassing Moment from his biography:
[Katherine L. Kuzminski, military policy expert at Center for a New American Security] said that it was inappropriate for Jackson to describe himself as a retired rear admiral. “While it is possible that others will mistakenly refer to him as ‘Admiral’ in perpetuity, he himself should not make that mistake,” she said.
Especially since people really are calling him “Admiral” all the time!
“Where’s the admiral, Ronny Jackson? Come on up here,” Rep. Scott Perry (R-Pa.), a retired Pennsylvania Army National Guard brigadier general, urged at a House Republican news conference in July 2023 as lawmakers discussed a defense spending bill.
Speaking at the August 2022 Conservative Political Action Conference — days after the Navy privately demoted Jackson — Trump also extolled his former physician.
“He was an admiral, a doctor and now he’s a congressman, and I said, which is the best if you had your choice? And he sort of indicated doctor because he loved looking at my body, it was so strong,” Trump joked before pivoting to the reason for his affection for Jackson. “He said I’m the healthiest president that’s ever lived. … I said, I like this guy.”
Ronny Jackson should really correct all these people, for accuracies.
We’ll be sure to remember to call him Captain Ronny though, in headlines, because here at Wonkette we always do our part.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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>> "I said, which is the best if you had your choice? And he sort of indicated doctor because he loved looking at my body, it was so strong" <<
I'm saving this line against the day when someone I love has ingested poison and I need to induce vomiting as quickly as possible.
My paraphrase: “He liked looking at my strong body…”
Uh huh, fellas 🤔