141 Comments

The loudest thing about the Methodist church in the town I grew up in was the red color on the front doors. I think a lot of people forgot they were even there - in my elementary school, kids would ask "are you Catholic or Jewish?"

Expand full comment

I hate to be a grammar nerd, and goodness knows I'm not entirely fluent in Southern, so I could easily be wrong, but in this context, wouldn't the correct usage be "If'n," as in "Alabama Church Will Give You Shootin’ Lessons If'n You Give Your Heart To Jesus"?

Expand full comment

"Jewish...I'm slumming!"

Expand full comment

United Methodist Church, Jemison, Alabama...One Nation Under God, Guns, & Meth.

Expand full comment

"Who's to say that church can't happen right here?" Um, that would be JESUS CHRIST THE LORD THY GOD, that's who.

Expand full comment

What Type of Weapon Would Jesus Carry?

Expand full comment

This.

Expand full comment

The autopsy was on the victim, based on teeth marks from the bear. And the bear had cached body parts for later eating.

Expand full comment

East Tennessee's closer.

Expand full comment

Unless you love lime jello with marshmallows, better be safe than sorry.

Expand full comment

this is kinda how the police work in our country - shoot, then ask questions, and oh, maybe an "autopsy". Not really OT if you replace "bear" with "POC"

Expand full comment

"Even odd by some people’s standards"Nailed it!

Expand full comment

Yeah, made from real babies.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Expand full comment

That's fantastic.

Expand full comment

*thinks of Kingsport, TN and shudders*Man, the shit I saw there...

Expand full comment