All Fun And Games Until Dan Crenshaw Says Jesse Watters Looks Like He Pees Sitting Down
We love it when they fight.
Everybody is going to hate this, but Republican Rep. Dan Crenshaw and Fox News walking rape whistle commercial Jesse Watters are having a fight. And you will probably be on Dan Crenshaw’s side, at least for the purposes of this. Don’t worry, you will quickly end up back where you started, praying for their mutual humiliation.
But look, when Crenshaw starts making fun of Jesse Watters and saying Jesse looks like a guy who pees sitting down, it’s worth enjoying the fight. Also Crenshaw called Watters a “fucking hack” and a “fucking clown.” And a hundred other things. He’s real mad.
It started earlier this week on Tuesday, when Watters included Crenshaw in a list of members of Congress he baselessly insinuated were involved in insider trading. Could one or some of them be? Sure! A real journalist on a real TV network might want to look for some receipts, though. Instead Watters just had a report that showed certain members of Congress overperforming the stock market in their personal investments last year and nothing else approaching “evidence.” But that didn’t stop him from asserting that “A lot of them [invested] in companies they had inside information on.”
So Crenshaw got on Insta and just starting beating ass:
In a series of stories on his 2.5-million follower Instagram account, the Texas Republican also claimed that Fox News canceled a “pre-scheduled” Wednesday night interview in retaliation for his attacks against Watters.
“Guess I hurt their feelings by calling out their bullshit,” Crenshaw wrote in an Instagram story on Wednesday. “Oh well.”
Fox News said him getting canceled wasn’t about that, but who knows? They’re liars and Dan Crenshaw is a Republican congressman. Best to believe none of them.
“Hey you fucking hack, if you’re gonna accuse me of literal corruption, get your facts straight and man up and accuse me to my face,” the conservative congressman wrote in one post. “You’re a fucking clown, desperate for clickbait.”
That does sound like Jesse Watters.
As the Daily Beast summarizes, Crenshaw said he currently only has about 10 grand in stocks, didn’t trade last year, and that he’s never had more than about 20K. They add that when they reported on Crenshaw trading stocks back in 2021 during the pandemic, his office said he bought about $30,000 around then.
Which is some small potatoes for a member of Congress, we are just going to say.
Of course, we should leave open the possibility that Crenshaw was a hit dog hollerin’, because lord, the histrionics just kept coming, and thank God the Beast watched and transcribed all of this:
“I’m sitting here trying to feed my 3 month old and this dirt bag millionaire at Fox is accusing me of being a criminal, with zero evidence,” he declared in another IG story. “Stop watching these mediocre entertainers. Stop letting wealthy elitists like Jessye (sic) Watters claim to be ‘fighting for you.’ They live in Manhattan and can’t stand normal people in red states. They think you’re stupid and feed you bullshit to rile you up.” (Watters, for what it’s worth, doesn’t live in Manhattan.)
(He does think his viewers are stupid, though. All Fox News employees do, they have vicious contempt for their viewership.)
Insisting that Watters “grew up with a silver spoon,” Crenshaw said the Fox star’s family is made up of “well connected journalists and politicians” while fuming that Watters has “fooled” his fans into “believing he’s some genuine blue collar conservative.” From there, he brought up Watters’ past workplace affair, which resulted in the Fox star divorcing his first wife and marrying his ex-producer.
“Yeah, he’s such a ‘conservative’ he cheated on his wife and then left her with twins while he went off with another Fox producer,” Crenshaw seethed.
Don’t forget how he let the air out of the new young lady’s tires and lured her into his car while the “To Catch A Predator” theme music played! (Factcheck we don’t know if that show has a theme song.)
Continuing the scorched-earth campaign, Crenshaw threw another low blow at the anti-woke host, joking that “Jesse Watters seems like the type of dude who pees sitting down.”
Unlike Dan Crenshaw who pees uphill both ways in the snow on his tippy toes.
The Beast notes that, this tantrum aside, Crenshaw goes on Fox and Fox Business all the time, has been on Watters’s show, and in 2021 had Watters on his own podcast.
Oh well, we guess both of these dudes are fucking dorks, each in his very own unique way.
MeidasTouch has screengrabs of all of this, should you want to look.
In other Jesse Watters news!
Reacting to the news that the original rendering of Mickey Mouse is now in the public domain, Jesse had a very cool idea yesterday for a very cool cartoon that lots of very cool people would watch:
WATTERS: I would have made Mickey a migrant. And I would've had him pay Wile E. Coyote to smuggle him north. And then I would have had him fake-adopt Speedy Gonzales as his son so he would've got asylum and then Elmer Fudd would have shot him dead in Texas.
Wow, that is almost as cool as Tucker Carlson’s idea for an “SNL” sketch about transgender bathrooms. Because all entertainment is supposed to be about what makes cowardly white men piss their underpants!
Jesse’s co-hosts on “The Five” thought it was a cool idea, at least.
Also on Jesse’s show the other night, he had a neat British psychic friends lady who did a tarot reading on Donald Trump, and “OH OH OH!” (She said it in a distressed British way.) She pulled a very stinky card that represents a “sense of loss.”
“It’s as if he may be thinking more about what he’s lost, and not still taking full of advantage of what he still has,” she said, so we guess psychics are real.
When she did the same for Joe Biden, she pulled the ALL I DO IS FUCKIN’ WIN card. Just kidding, but:
Ms Roberts also had some predictions for what President Joe Biden’s 2024 chances may look like.
“Lots and lots and lots and lots of money,” she said.
“From China?” Mr Watters asked, referring to Republican allegations – claims that are so far backed up with no evidence – that Mr Biden was involved in his son’s business dealings with China.
dIvIdEndS fRoM hUnTeR bIDeN’S peNiS?
If Jesse Watters had been your son, you would’ve let the air out of the tires on his Power Wheel, just to watch him fall.
[Daily Beast / Media Matters / vid via Republicans Against Trump / Independent]
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OT: Never take medical advice from a PAB.
Mike Sington:
During the pandemic, then-President Trump said about the drug hydroxychloroquine, “What do you have to lose? Take it”. Now researchers are estimating 17,000 people may have died as a result of that advice. (Politico)
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GDBHnN-akAA7FgL?format=jpg&name=small
“Yeah, he’s such a ‘conservative’ he cheated on his wife and then left her with twins while he went off with another Fox producer,” Crenshaw seethed.
That does sound like a conservative move.