Rick Perry's Ex-Sexytime Ladies/Men Offered $$$ For Gross Stories
Rick Perry is some kind of creep, that much is known by simply looking at a picture of him. But there are RUMORS that Rick Perry truly lives up to his obvious creepiness factor, because it is known that he also spends a lot of money at "drag queen nightclubs," at Key West homosexual resorts, and also is what most people would imagine if they imagined a sociopathic Texan Hair-Gel version of Jack the Ripper. So there's a secret committee in Texas now (a guy with a Gmail address) putting up these awesome posters in Star Wars font asking for all the hookers and hustlers to please report what they did/was done to them so long ago (2008?) by Rick Perry after he took off his mom jeans but kept on his boots. Grossness!
Morrow claims that he knows strippers in Austin who have stories about Perry, but none of them are willing to come forward to the press; hence, the need for an ad in the Chronicle. "I think it's only a matter of time until somebody credible comes forward," he told me.
At the bottom of the ad is a nod to the longtime (and equally unsubstantiated) rumors that Perry, who has pursued sundry anti-gay policies, is himself gay. "Note to gay people: If you know the truth about Rick, please QUIT covering for him," it reads.
We should also note that this same guy, Robert Morrow, sends these great emails to Wonkette all the time, and we haven't really "done much" with them. Here's a sample of one sent to your editors:
The same man who used a presidential prayer rally (8/6/11) for his personal ambitions and who often spouts Christian buzzwords and Bible talk to advance his political career is a flagrant adulterer, having sex with women who are the approximate age of his daughter Sydney, age 24.
I know this because I am a patron of Austin strip clubs. My friends and excellent contacts in the Austin strip club community tell me that Rick Perry, a la Bill Clinton, has an enabling entourage who gets him “young hotties” to have sex with – both here in Austin and especially when he is on the road. I learned about this before the 2010 Texas primary. I had an attractive stripper tell me about her direct dealings with Rick Perry. She said that she was attempting a Monica Lewinsky-type act upon Gov. Rick Perry (oral sex) but that in her words Perry was “too coked up” to perform sexually! When it came time for the stripper to leave, Perry gave her an outrageous amount of money, so large in fact that it probably means that Perry is taking cash bribes or illegal gifts to fund his extracurricular activities. Perry is not a rich man and I doubt he is spending that much of his own money on the women. (Actually sweetheart real estate deals have made the man unusual money.)
Another young woman, who has had direct dealings with Perry’s enabling entourage, told me that Perry is especially flagrantly adulterous when he goes on the road. She said that Perry has sex with the “young hotties” and that Perry and his entourage are literally having orgies in his hotel room. They are either calling escort services or picking up “young hotties” impressed by an arrogant, entitled governor of Texas.
Recently a local Austin reporter was telling me that they had heard about Rick Perry and the strippers in 2006, but they never could nail it down. Well, consider it confirmed. Additionally, there are many people in Austin who are convinced that the man is a homosexual or has had gay affairs in the past. I have never met a man who has had sex with Rick Perry, but I have met women who have had direct dealings with Adulterer Rick Perry and his enabling entourage. Perry has most definitely been living a double life.
The entire country may indeed be rapidly rushing down to Hell (Texas) in a Handbasket, but at least there will be a tremendous Circus Show to watch next year. [ Salon ]