AN ATTACK ON NATALIE IS AN ATTACK ON ALL PUBLIC SERVANTS

Toldja this one was gonna leave a mark.

Aug 17, 2026

The American People during their speaking slot at the 2020 RNC. (Screengrab: CNN, clearly.)

Oh boy, we thought Jon Ossoff casually lobbing a bomb and getting everybody to talk about Donald Trump’s bizarre and gross relationship with “Natalie” was gonna leave a mark, and we were correct.

'He Just Wants To Travel With Natalie'

Evan Hurst

1:06 PM

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Steven Cheung — the pitiable White House spox who everybody is reportedly always worried is within seconds of keeling over dead, the one Trump is always humiliating in public by yelling about how he’s on the “fat drugs” — got the job of responding on the notoriously svelte Trump’s behalf to VERY UGLY STINKY MAN Jon Ossoff.

Cheung: Jon Jackoff has to be the biggest cuck loser in politics. Instead of denigrating hard working people serving their country, Jon should look deep into his soul and ask himself why he's a miserable person who hates this country. It's because he's a radical, extremist Dumocrat.

Wow.

You know, as usual — and as we did when Trump earlier referred to Ossoff with the 10 times more awkward moniker “Os(jerk)off!” — we question the wisdom of giving “jerkoff” and “jackoff” nicknames to politicians who literally make average people want to jerk or jack off.

Republicans don’t have any politicians like that on their side, so we understand why they’re not sure how to proceed here.

We’ll mostly ignore the “Dumocrat” thing. Trump has decreed that it’s the funniest thing in the world, and that nobody was aware until he learned it recently that “dum” has a “B” on it, and ass-washers like Steven have to repeat it for Daddy.

That middle part, though, LOL hoo boy.

An attack on Natalie Harp — the MAGA blonde who prints out fawning tweets and articles for Trump; the one Maggie Haberman calls his “binkie”; who writes him letters about how he is the sun and moon in her sky, fuckin’ over here writin’ Footprints posters about President Shartbucket; the one who goes everyyyyyyywhere with him, to the point that there are lots of rumors and questions about what exactly is happening (we still refuse to sign on to any conspiracy that requires us to believe Trump’s penis is still in fighting shape) — is an attack on “working people serving their country.”

That’s quite a spin.

Sane people might think that, for instance, DOGE firing millions of public servants for refusing to suck the MAGA dick was an attack on public servants. All the scientific researchers eliminated, all the election workers threatened, people like that. But no.

Because in the diseased MAGA cranium, Trump is “America,” and Natalie is “public servants,” and an attack on Trump is an attack on America and an attack on Natalie is an attack on all who have ever wondered why there was only one set of footprints in the sand, only to find out it was because they got to ride in the beverage cart with Trump while he ran away from the latest fake assassination attempt, and the footprints belonged to Dan Scavino, who was breathing really heavy while he pushed the cart across the tarmac to the getaway plane.

Trump himself responded by trying to act confused about who Jon Ossoff is. “You mean Pee Wee Herman? Pee Wee Herman lookalike!” Again, world’s most physically repulsive, least sexually attractive man trying to go after Ossoff on looks? Don’t think that’s going to land, bud. At least he got the insult right this time and didn’t say “Pinky Herman.”