Method-Acting Capitol Riot Suspect Finally Gets Big Break

The name on everybody’s lips is gonna be ... that guy?

Michael Aaron Carico couldn't get arrested in Hollywood as an actor, but he had better luck in Florida as a suspected insurrectionist. Carico was taken into custody last week and charged with "entering a restricted building and disorderly conduct." This sounds as if the MAGA mob had broken into an amusement park after hours and took a few joyrides instead of storming the Capitol with the intent of overturning a free and fair election. We shouldn't soft-pedal January 6 unless we want it to become a regular event.

Carico is an actor according to the most generous IMDB definition. He's hardly famous enough to stand out amongst the MAGA mob. However, an informant at the scene told the FBI she overheard Carico bragging about having been inside the building, making an ass of himself.

He reportedly wore a camouflage shirt, Navy hat, and brown and black gloves to the insurrection, but camouflage is most effective when you don't publicly identify yourself to any random person you meet during a criminal enterprise. This is why the characters in Reservoir Dogs went by Mr. Pink and Mr. Orange. Someone in the crowd reportedly asked how to find Carico, and the genius directed them to his Facebook page. He even provided his full name: “michaelaaroncarico." A domestic terror attack is not the best time to network.

With this information, federal authorities were able to trace Carico to his Instagram account, which included a shirtless selfie of himself at the top of Runyon Canyon, as well as more modest photos that matched images of him caught in multiple video feeds during the Capitol attack. Did these fools really think there'd be no cameras? Carico even carried his own camera and stabilizer so he could record his misdeeds for posterity.

Federal authorities issued a search warrant on Google to look through Carico's Gmail account, which had photos and videos taken January 6, because the insurrectionists treated the whole damn thing like a vacation. GPS data also pinned a device associated with Carico's account to the restricted Capitol grounds between 2: 18 and 3:55 p.m. During this time, members of Congress were fleeing for their lives while the mob beat the crap out of police officers.

Investigators found a video on Carico's Gmail account (in the “Incriminating Evidence" folder.) where he joined others in the crowd for a spirited rendition of the “The Star-Spangled Banner." Don't worry. No one was kneeling during the performance. When they'd finished offending the memory of Whitney Houston, Carico looked right in the camera and said, “Hey Nancy, go fuck yourself," because misogyny is the beating heart of MAGA.

Here is the Los Angeles Times covering all journalistic bases:

That was presumably a message for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco).

That's a professional news organization for you. Assume nothing! Carico could've been referring to freshman Republican House member, Nancy Mace. We don't like Mace very much , but we still don't think insurrectionist assholes should show up at her work and tell her to fuck herself. That's not democracy in action. It's just rude.

The 33-year-old actor is credited with roles in "The Inbetweeners," in Full Bloom , and My Daddy's In Heaven . He was prominently featured in the "Good Hack Hunting" episode of "Hack My Life." We're kidding about the “prominently featured" part. He does speak several lines on camera.

The FBI also determined that, despite the Navy hat, "Carico did not serve in the United States Navy or any other branch of the U.S. military." Actors are never straight with you, even during an insurrection.

We were going to end this with a video of Carico's theatrical reel, but YouTube just yanked it. Allegedly attacking democracy might not have been the best career move.

[ LA Times ]

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