Are Kevin McCarthy And Frank Luntz K-I-S-S-I-N-G? Tucker Carlson Will Find Out!
This is the news.
Usually when we write about Tucker Carlson it's like "Hey this is the most racist thing you will hear until the next time Tucker speaks publicly," or "Hey, cover your face, Tucker's flaccid masculinity issues are out again and he's shakin' 'em around." Tucker's new thing seems like it might relate to that second genre, because Tucker is obsessed with things that seem weird and gay to him.
But this is probably more than that.
Point is, Tucker had a hard news segment last night on how House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and Republican pollster dude Frank Luntz are ROOMMATES! Did you hear that, you guys? They are ROOMMATES. And you know what ROOMMATES do. They do ROOMMATE stuff. ROOMMATES .
This was a followup on a story Tucker did on Friday night, apparently, about how McCarthy and Luntz are FRIENDS.
If you think we are exaggerating, look at this tweet from Tucker about how they are ROOMMATES.
Frank Luntz & Kevin McCarthy. Not only are they friends. They are roommates. https: //t.co/nYGXxV5bya
— Tucker Carlson (@Tucker Carlson) 1620090492.0
You can watch the video for yourself, but Tucker starts by whining that longtime GOP pollster Frank Luntz does LOBBYING for the LEFTISTSTSTSSTS, like "Google and Nike and Delta Airlines." Also simultaneously, Tucker says, Luntz gives advice to the Republican Party. "He's not someone that normal people would go to for advice, and if you were running the Republican party, you definitely wouldn't, because Frank Luntz is EFFECTIVELY A DEMOCRAT."
Got it? Frank Luntz the Republican pollster is EFFECTIVELY A DEMOCRAT.
So Tucker has figured out the real scoop, and it is that FRANK LUNTZ the EFFECTIVELY A DEMOCRAT is not only very good friends with Kevin McCarthy, as he reported on Friday. They are MORE THAN FRIENDS. They are ROOMMATES.
Let's transcribe Tucker's gay-whistles:
TUCKER: Turns out we didn't know the HALF OF IT. Over the weekend, we got a call from a source who said that in fact Frank Luntz and Kevin McCarthy aren't simply friends, they're ROOMMATES. Kevin McCarthy LIVES in FRANK LUNTZ'S APARTMENT in DOWNTOWN WASHINGTON!
Tucker does that "my balls just dropped" yelp a lot in this segment, FYI.
TUCKER: That's what we were told and honestly we did not believe it! The top Republican in the House lives with a Google lobbyist? C'mon! C'mon! Even by the sleazy and corrupt standards of politics in Washington, that did not seem possible, in fact it seemed like a joke.
But Tucker did [puberty yelp] JOURNALISM! and he talked to McCarthy's spokesperson and she initially said McCarthy "rents hotel rooms or sleeps in his office in the Capitol. He certainly isn't LIVING with Frank Luntz!" But the spokesperson said they'd follow up with more info.
Later on, Tucker got a text from the spokesperson, who clarified that McCarthy had rented a room in Luntz's apartment, and for some reason he did this because of the pandemic, and now he lives in Luntz's house, which means they are ROOMMATES! [yelp!]
And that is why Tucker had his graphics department mock this up, which TBH made us laugh.
TUCKER: So now you know why they listen to Frank Luntz, but they don't listen to you!
But Tucker is not done doing [yelp!] JOURNALISM! He still has questions.
For instance, he'd like to know, "What did the coronavirus pandemic have to do with Kevin McCarthy's choice of apartments? The Chinese unleash a virus on the world and all of a sudden congressional leaders have to live with Frank Luntz?" Which is just an amazing question, and if Tucker's journalism uncovers the very real possibility that all the congressional leaders live with Frank Luntz, that will be a scoop indeed! If Pelosi is crashing on the couch, America deserves to know .
Tucker would also like to know what Kevin McCarthy is paying Frank Luntz, because Tucker looked up Frank's building on the internet and it is very expensive and according to Tucker's vast real estate knowledge, Frank's apartment would cost $5,000 a month and TUCKER WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IS KEVIN MCCARTHY PAYING $5,000 A MONTH TO STORE SOME OF HIS OWN UNDERPANTS IN FRANK LUNTZ'S UNDERPANTS DRAWER?
WELL IS HE?!
Politico Playbook noted a couple weird things about this, like first of all why is Tucker Carlson attacking the guy who, if Republicans manage to retake the House in 2022, wants to become speaker? And why are Tucker's sources leaking Frank 'n Kevin's sleeping arrangements to Tucker?
We dunno, but sounds like more "Republicans Eating Republicans" news, which we're always here for.
Please tune in tonight to Tucker Carlson's White Power Hour, where he will surely report on whether Frank and Kevin have frenched each other yet and if so, for how many seconds each time.
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