158 Comments

My next door neighbor is a sweet young mother who came out at night JUST to help me shovel the snow off my driveway. I love her and gave her a bottle of wine.

Her husband OTOH is an ass.

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Ta, Sara. Tenements don't have yards. Our place upstate does, but it's not a lawn. We'll be planting a food garden once it's warm enough. The rule of thumb is nothing in the ground before Memorial Day.

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Old campaign signs make excellent draft stoppers in barns, sheds, and chicken coops. Reduce, reuse, recycle!

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Also, the sign can be used to assemble a Solar Notebook!

The solar notebook is a handy way to recharge your gadget out in nature, AND you get to do a little light electrical learning. It needs just one of those old corrugated plastic yard signs for Great Success Solar Gadget.

Is my MIL using my solar notebook on a boat in tropical vacationland right now? Yes! She and all her friends are charging their phones with the sun!

Buy this to make good use of your old signs: https://solarschoolhouse.org/notebook/

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One of the spawn is a doomer - totally passing this on!

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That coroplat plastic stuff they use for political signs is a goldmine of uses.

Behold, the $150 bicycle camping trailer https://makezine.com/article/home/man-builds-a-bicycle-camper-for-150-out-of-campaign-signs/

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That is awesome!

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What is the thing about skeletons on bicycles and whatnot doing stuff in the yard when it isn't Halloween? It's done around town here, maybe it's a western thing, like the east does gold stars? What's the message here?

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that was Halloween!

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Those giant skeletons are all over the place here in New Jersey.

Just yesterday I said to Mr. S "Looks like the war on Halloween is over, and we won."

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Baffled in Suburbia at least has a refreshing point of view in that they are not jealous of their neighbors. They covet them not their front yard.

This is one of those live-and-let-live moments in life. And a nice one, if you think about it. As Sara B. pointed out, the signs do not condone anything illegal or just plain wrong. Conversely, they urge viewers to get involved in public affairs and use their right to vote. That's a good thing. And morally positive.

As for the degree of positivity, that's a lot of signs. But, it's not like its forever.

As a long time political hack, I can tell you two things, which might make it easier to take:

1. The signs are definitely not effective, if that's defined as motivating someone to take an action that would not have if they hadn't seen the sign. There's an old saying in political campaign management: "Signs don't vote." The number of signs never indicates the relatively popularity of a candidate or referendum position. That only indicates which campaign has placed the most signs. Most American communities are filled with such visual pollution for advertising, real estate sales signs, "don't let your dog shit here" signs, home security warnings, warning for solicitors and peddlers, that most people have for decades filtered it all out. People don't look at signs. And if they do, a sign doesn't change their mind. So why political signs? It's a tradition. Some people want them. And those sonsabitches won't give $10 to your campaign unless you give them a goddamn sign. Signs used to given out for free. Most campaigns now charge at leas $25 bucks apiece. So perhaps your neighbors are trying to show how much money they've put behind whatever it is they are supporting. But still, signs don't vote. Yard signs are an American political tradition like televised national party conventions -- an empty tradition, full of sound and fury, signifying (almost) nothing.

2. It's a rarely-cited law that allows them to do it. In America, planning and zoning codes have been used to shape where and how we live. In the huge body of your community's codes, I am sure, there is a paragraph that exempts political yard signs from the code's rules the control the size, shape, color, positioning and more of signage for some specific amount of time each election year. Free speech, y'all -- until the Election Day. Then, you better make those signs disappear. I once lived in a city where the code enforcement squad was zealous about the political sign ordinance exemption. In season, they genuinely protected the rights of sign-havers, and referred reports of sign theft to the cops, if applicable. But five days after Election Day, the red stickers of Notice of Violation started appearing on errant signs left standing. A few days after that, out come their citation books and fine calculators.

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There's been a recent back-and-forth on my local news site's letters to the editors over the issue of offensive flags ( apparently, the HOA bans yard signs except for 30 days before an election ). The original letter complained about flags with vulgarities, such as the one illustrated by a pic of a "Fuck Biden" flag that replaced the "u" and the "c" replaced with an American flag ). While they were a few replies that agreed with the original writer, most of the responses were of two kinds - 1) Free Speech, and 2) Both sides do it.

Neither is really true, at least how the 1A arguments are made, but the MAGAts around here believe it. I have yet to see any Biden flags, but the Trump campaign flags and insult flags abound, so it's not really "both sides".

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Yes, I'm sure lots of people responded with "because 1A." In the United States, people say "FIRST AMENDMENT!" after a statement about speech like my elderly German grandfather said "gesundheit" after he farted. Each response shows the ignorance of the speaker to the facts of the situation.

No free speech rights in an HOA. As you know, the First Amendment applies only to the relationship between a human being and the Government of the United States and the several states. ("Congress shall make no law ...")

An HOA is a contract. With only a few exceptions, a contract can bind two or more people to a promise to do or not do just about any legal thing the human mind can imagine. HOA ban on flags with express or implied FUCK on them? Sure! There might be a fight if the dispute centers around vague or imprecise "outdoor decorations" rules. But if HOA members add a specific ban to the HOA contract through its amendment process, fight's over. Everyone who agreed to the contract must comply or face the sanctions as per the HOA agreement. The HOA ain't Uncle Sam, not even close.

And here's the best part -- most state constitutions include a provision barring the legislature from writing laws "impairing contracts." IANAL, but I believe this means in general that state lawmakers don't typically have powers to enact a law that changes the provisions of a private contract. Thus, HOA residents, typically, can't use the state legislators they've bought off to write them a local bill overriding HOA contract provisions.

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One thing - altho' the HOA does not allow yard signs ( except for 30 days before an election ), there are currently no rules at all about flags. That is likely because of so many flying the American flag. But there have been other fights about HOA restrictions. One of the more acrimonious ones in recent past involves the display of little white crosses ( which at least one local church has been giving out ) on the front lawn. These crosses are less than a foot tall, and most are unnoticeable unless one is looking for them. Yet, the HOA has ordered homeowners to remove those crosses, because only limited choices of "lawn ornaments" are allowed. This has resulted in fines for those who refuse to remove them, and at least one lawsuit has been filed ( which I believe is still working its way through appeals ).

Of course, there are those who say, "You signed a contract with those limits stipulated, so tough noogies". Others like me think this is a ridiculous fight to have ( as it is, I have nothing that can be considered a "lawn ornament", so I guess I'm a disinterested party ).

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HOA fights are fun, especially for an observer who wisely lives on land not controlled by an HOA.

As with anything, it comes down to interpretation. The generalized purpose of an HOA is a cooperative compact to do recognized and reasonable things thought to preserve and enhance the value of land and buildings.

Enter ideas about "appearance." Nice vague provisions about lawn ornaments are thought by the real try-hards on the HOA board to give them infinite wiggle room in their zeal to perfect their community.

As a reporter, I gleefully covered gated-community disputes over "work vehicles" (resident cited for parking his mid-life crisis shiny pick-up truck in his own driveway overnight) and flag poles (while in the backyard, where there were no restrictions on flag poles, the pole was tall enough that people on the street could see the flag waving above the peak of the house. That the flag was the Flag of the United States only made the low-stakes kerfuffle even more deliciously heated.)

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Wow, fantastic Taylor Swift video. It might help to explain why rightwing racists are upset with her. 😆

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Watch her "You Need to Calm Down" video. She's pissing off the bigots too. You love to see it...

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A sculptor friend of ours had a bit of a kerfuffle with his neighbors when he, uh, erected an eight-foot phallus in his front yard. When he turned on a faucet, water came out the top and covered the whole lawn. For some reason, this lawn-irrigation method bothered the folks around him. Go figure.

It’s Portland. If people want to live here, they’re going to have to accept that creativity, talent, and a penchant for weirdness is part of the bargain.

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Whatever happened with that? Did he keep it up?

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Nicely phrased.

He eventually got bored with the hassles, took it down, and recycled the parts for another project. He also made us a planter styled like an Aztec skull. I try and plant a different annual in it every summer. Something brain-shaped or something that looks like a stilled explosion when it blooms.

For a long time, a family several blocks away had an enormous T-Rex in their front yard, built out of PVC pipe, with red bulbs for eyes that they turned on at night. In another part of town, there’s a gigantic old Craftsman house that’s completely covered with bicycles hanging off it. Wonder how that one started? Closer to our house, someone built a fence around their property using half-buried bicycle wheels wired together.

Plus Portland still has some horse rings implanted in the sidewalk strips from the days when you’d tie your horse out front when visiting someone. A person or persons unknown went around and tied My Little Pony figurines to them. Many of them remained in place for years.

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only for a few minutes at the time, then he has to wait an hour or two to get it going again

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Refractory irrigation

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I read the column 'cause I have curiosity, but I knew the answer already. "Are My Neighbors Totally Nuts?" Umm, yes! All neighbors are nuts, including me! The only dilemma is whether my neighbors have a brand of nuts I can handle. I work hard to keep my own nuttiness as flexible as possible so the neighbors can handle mine! Such is the melting pot and I rather enjoy it!! 🤪

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What cheeses me are signs posted in the public right-of-way that just get left there for weeks if not months after the election. Nothing like a sagging, dilapidated banner for some schmuck who lost long ago to really jazz up a roadside.

Putting those things on public property is supposed to be illegal in my state. I would love to see a law fining political campaigns when their signs become trash like that. Maybe fifty cents per day per sign to start. That would get someone's attention.

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Around here, libertarian candidates and their supporters seem to be particularly prone to this behavior.

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Our neighbors are a puzzling breed, or maybe one that is more common than we think. We associate MAGA with far-right extremism, rebel flags, maga hats and anger. But our neighbors are a retired teacher and nurse. They watch Fox News, because we can see their living room tv on occasion and it’s always on Fox. They do put out a single Trump sign in the weeks before elections. We don’t discuss politics with them, but we are friendly with them. She (the nurse) and I were both on the homeowners association board. She was fine to deal with, mostly concerned with boosting property values and tamping down yard maintenance problems. She did show her wingnut fear when we discussed adding street lights to the subdivision. She said “they are coming into our country and you never know.” So the border paranoia is a concern for her, even though we are 2000 miles from there. Unless she’s concerned about the Ohio border, which I could understand.

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"I understand your confusion and annoyance, but damn — they sound pretty nice, they stay out of your way, and this is their one quirk? Let us be glad!"

!!!Amen!!! to that Ms. Sara! Honestly I think this sounds more like a concept art piece than any thing else. I wish our suburbs had MORE of concept art in the yard and not less! But until the inevitable day when the *Yoko Ono Prize For Excellence In Suburban Fluxus Installation* is endowed and awards big grant money to winners we must make do with the art our neighbors bravely install in their yards.

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YES

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I always fantasize of catapulting hams at pesky neighbors - as Sharon Osbourne did years ago on the "Meet the Osbournes" show.

I still need a trebuchet, however.

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Antique copies of *Popular Mechanics*, often found at estate and garage sales in great abundance, periodically [LOL! :>)))] contain exact plans for just such things.

And you would be recycling also too very much indeed.

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Protip: Google Books has the entire print run of Popular Mechanics for free. I't fun reading through those over the years to see what was popular in DIY stuff...for instance the 30's were radio and boats.

The Internet Archive also has it but the user interface is a lot easier in Google Books

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Mar 23Edited
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Don't waste good ham, though. Cans of off-brand Spam will do.

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Big HEAVY cans of Spam! Seriously there is no downside to this!

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My parents and their neighbors could say the same about each other.

Although, my parents neighbors have more justification than my parents sadly.

My dad doesn't like noise and the neighbors have a yappy Pomeranian. When you listen to several hours of it barking its head off, I can see why dad was pissed. However, don't start a war with the neighbors by threatening to kill the dog... which is how he (rightfully) ended up in the back of a police cruiser. I told my parents to stop antagonizing them.

However, my parents were right about the neighbor's tree. A year later, they were screaming about the tree which was directly pointed at my parents house. My dad could trim the tree that's on his side of the property line legally (and he did.)

Next thing you know they're hit with a lawsuit. I just wanted the stupid to stop. Had to bring in my friend the litigation attorney and everything ground to a halt when the neighbors realized I brought a legal machine gun to a very petty knife fight.

In the end the neighbors had to take down the tree and the fence line became the DMZ. I told my parents to pretend it's North Korea on the other side of the fence. (I'm pretty sure the neighbors saw the parents as the NK Government.)

I realize now that it was the symptoms of dementia (thoughts of paranoia, persecution, self righteousness) that helped drive the parents to this, but I'm also glad that I forced both sides to make peace. It makes things easier after my parents went to the seniors home.

The good thing that came out of it was mom and dad trusted us kids to make decisions for them and allowed me (and my siblings) to be the Power of Attorney for them. I saved them thousands of dollars in legal fees and headaches, kept dad out of jail and stopped one of the stupidest neighbor fights ever.

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GOOD for you and them.

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Speaking of trees, the DMZ, and Korea - ever hear of "Operation Paul Bunyan"?

https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/09/14/north-korea-1976-axe-murder-incident-215605/

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Yup. At the US info center in the DMZ

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i had to deal with my sister's neighbor a couple of times, but i really hate getting involved in that stuff. "Well, can't you just write them a threatening letter?" (if i only had a dime for every time someone said that to me.) no, not if you don't intend to follow through, and i won't be the attorney on that case.

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I paid him for his legal help (which was just advice) with a 20 year old bottle of single malt Scotch. My parents paid for half (but bitched anyway about the cost till I reminded them that they got him for free and he usually costs about $350 an hour with a $10k retainer which they suddenly shut up about it.)

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Neighbors and trees, man. Don't get me started.

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Now I simply MUST invest in a few more fully articulated skeletons and get my scrawny ass in diabolically, democratically creative gear! Inspiration overwhelms!

paul needs to stop being such a petulant, uncooperative old fart. Every time I offer him details regarding a clever politically motivated yard display he dismisses them, insisting that the far-Reich asshole neighbors will vandalize my efforts.

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I wish my skeleton was fully articulated. This sciatica sucks to the bazillionth degree.

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My neighbors are mostly sane. Well, except for the one that we're all pretty sure murdered his brother two years ago, and has so far done a great job keeping anyone from finding the body.

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We were convinced our former neighbors were vampires. We never saw them in daylight and they were awfully pale. Not sure if they moved or just fled all the garlic I use.

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So he would have tarps and shovels you could borrow?

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His tarps are all on his roof.

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That you know of...

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