Austin Powers Lends Canadian Prime Minister Some Mojo, Baby
Judo chop!
Wayne Campbell, the exuberant SNL metalhead that made Canadian comedian Mike Myers a household name back in the early ‘90s, is known for loving a good party. Turns out his enthusiasm also extends to the Liberal Party of Canada. Or at least the new guy in charge of it.
Myers became the unlikely face of Canadian resistance to Dear Leader’s boner for conquering the country when he appeared on “Saturday Night Live” a few weeks ago sporting a shirt with the slogan “Canada is not for sale” and sparked a grassroots movement by mouthing the slogan “elbows up” as the credits rolled. It certainly conforms to stereotype: The embryonic national battle cry is simply a hockey term meant to encourage defending yourself when trapped in a corner.
As mentioned in a recent post, the recommendation to keep your elbows up was popularized by gritty Detroit Red Wings great Gordie Howe, which may result in a hasty name change for the Gordie Howe International Bridge to Windsor currently under construction if you-know-who hears about it and learns Mr. Hockey is actually Canadian. Other high-profile Detroitonians such as Aretha Franklin, Rosa Parks, or Malcolm X would obviously be deemed unworthy of consideration, but Trump giving it the Gulf of Mexico treatment to instead honor Kid Rock or Robocop probably wouldn’t be a bridge too far.
The Scarborough native has since been drafted for an ad endorsing MacGyvered-in new PM Mark Carney where Shrek gets grilled on his northern bonafides because he chooses to live in the swampier United States.
“Do you remember Mr. Dressup?” Carney begins the interrogation, which is more than a little out-of-touch given the long-running children’s show — essentially our version of Mr. Rogers — has been off the air for nearly 30 years, but both men are old enough to have grown up watching the late Ernie Coombs frolicking with Casey and Finnegan. Younger voters are more likely to think of “Mr. Dressup” as a common slag for Justin Trudeau and his habit of wearing inappropriate costumes. Sometimes but not always involving blackface.
There’s a cringe factor to watching two international men of mystery who hold six passports between them playing a Canadiana word association game to prove hoserhood while wearing Team Canada sweaters. Although Carney getting 97 for his jersey was a nice touch as it’s the same number as Connor McDavid, who scored the desperately needed winning goal in sudden death overtime in a do-or-die hockey game against the US last month, and he also happens to be a lifelong Edmonton Oilers fan. Probably best not to ask him about his feelings regarding Wayne Gretzky at the moment though.
It has to be said that Carney, unlike his predecessor, isn’t a natural performer in front of the camera, while the faded movie star seems as surprised as anyone to find himself at the center of all this. Despite his new gig playing a solid Space Nazi, Myers isn’t exactly known for political humor, and the closest he’s come to controversy was from standing next to Kanye West at a Hurricane Katrina fundraiser when Ye declared “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people.” (Not caring about Black people is, of course, now official GOP policy.) But he should probably expect an eventual knock on the door from ICE after an unscripted segment also came out where the two awkwardly chat about the importance of standing up to bullies and their general shared passion for the Great White North.
“I think you’re fantastic and you’re going to do great things and you’re going to protect Canada,” said Myers. “It sounds like damning with faint praise but I think you’re reasonable, and I think the world needs more grown-ups. We need more adults, dude.”
Canadians seem to increasingly agree. The House of Commons has a total of 343 seats representing federal electoral districts, and winning 172 of them is enough to form a majority government. The number crunchers predicted a crushing victory by Pierre Poilievre’s Conservatives with 237 seats as little as three months ago but the pendulum has swung dramatically after the serious superbanker replaced the sexy hippie king as prime minister, and a recent 338Canada poll has the Grits potentially winning as many as 187. Or 60 seats more than the Tories’ 127. Although beating them by 51 would be funnier.
The Canuckistan political climate has become so topsy-turvy thanks to Grampa Hitler that the Bloc Québécois, who only run candidates in Quebec and whose whole raison d'être is to nope out of Canada, is now promoting a “Buy Canadian” campaign. It’s not unlike the Greens suddenly waxing poetic about pollution. Or if the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party went vegan.
One person who’s sensed the shifting of the winds is none other than Donald J. Trump. He and Carney finally had a phone conversation last week after the White House reached out to the PMO and not, ahem, the other way around.
“The spirit of the call was both cordial and focused on making progress,” Carney told reporters at a campaign stop in Montreal. “The president respected Canada’s sovereignty today, both in his private and public comments.”
The word “today” is doing some heavy lifting but we’ll take the W. The public comments were presumably this:
I just finished talking to Prime Minister Mark Carney, of Canada. It was an extremely productive call, we agree on many things, and will be meeting immediately after Canada’s upcoming Election to work on elements of Politics, Business, and all other factors, that will end up being great for both the United States of America and Canada. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
It’s hard to know quite what to make of it or if a staffer tossed in some randomly capitalized words to seem like it came from the man himself, but at least there wasn’t any cherished 51st state or Governor Carney clownfuckery. The “thank you for your attention to this matter” is a weird note to end on but then again this is a profoundly weird man not accustomed to saying thanks. Although it’s hilarious he vowed they’ll be meeting immediately after the April 28 election, which suggests he thinks the result is a foregone conclusion. Or maybe that it’ll just be RIGGED and STOLLEN.
It’s tempting to see this new tone as a much needed course correction after Trump was somehow made to realize he’d gone too far, but there’s also a darker possibility. Alberta Premier Danielle Smith recently did an interview with Breitbart where she revealed she’s been whispering in MAGA’s ear to dial the rhetoric down because it’s hurting poor Peewee’s chances of becoming PM.
Smith pointed out the obvious that “unjust and unfair tariffs” had boosted support for the Liberals, and she hoped “we could put things on pause” until after the election:
“I would say, on balance, the perspective that Pierre would bring would be very much in sync with, I think… the new direction in America. And I think we’d have a really great relationship for the period of time they’re both in [office].”
So what George Bluth Sr. might call “light treason.” We can only guess about how much stock Trump goons would put in the advice of a fiftysomething childless dog lady but then again she is the person currently in charge of the place where Canada keeps our oil. And Putin could very well be telling him the same thing.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!
[The Canadian Press / The Tyee / 338Canada / Bluesky!]
We must name it. Our inability to name it is due to the atomic bomb of disinformation and chaos that has been unleashed on us. If we name it, we can understand what we are seeing and be able to strategize and counter-attack.
This is WWIII. This insanity. WWIII has begun.
Trump/Musk/Vance/Putin all work for the criminal syndicate Russia. They have started WWWIII and are attacking us this very minute. The destruction of our economy, rule of law, and way of life is intentional. The fear, damage, cruelty, inhumanity, and destruction is the point. This is war. Netanyahu is on their side, other authoritarian and right-wing leaders are on their side.
To them, democracy is the enemy. We are the enemy. They want to rape and pillage and starve and torture and kill us.
Their intention is to wipe democracies off the face of the earth. They plan to attack Canada from the south (USA) and also from the north (Russia), they need Greenland to help with their attack of Europe. Yes they want all of the minerals and precious natural resources, etc…but militarily, that’s why they want them.
To our military, former presidents, judges, free press, scientists, and democratic allies. You have the skills, expertise, knowledge, that once united will allow us to fight back and to guide and help the USA and our allies in responding to an extinction level attack on us.
Unite. Come together to tell the world what is happening. You want to stay in your lane and think it’s not your place and not your job, but your lane is being blown up, along with the rest of the country and world order, so that’s no longer an option. It’s not an option for any of us to sit this one out. All hands on deck democracies!
If you want a little distraction, today on my Substack it's Series Sundays: 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧. Today it is episode 2, Homesick. Post is up now, we start watching at 4pm ET. https://open.substack.com/pub/ziggywiggy/p/series-sundays-resident-alien-episode?r=2knfuc&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false