Away We Go. Tabs, Mon., Aug. 3, 2026
Where we going? Oh nowhere!
Hola, buenos días, it is the tabs time now.
First off, your Moral High Ground Friday recap! New really good polls keep coming out in that Texas Senate race. So it’s time to call James Talarico a gay transgender vegan potato taco some more! Also to try to make it into a thing that he knows how to read. Burn him for a witch! Come read and subscribe to that! [The Moral High Ground]
Donald Trump’s butthole polisher Todd Blanche has fornally rescinded plans for Trump’s slush fund for Trump’s preferred terrorists and kid touchers, one of the main sticking points stopping John Cornyn and Thom Tillis from supporting him for permanent Trump’s Personal Lawyer at the DOJ. We are sure his slimy fingers weren’t crossed in any way whatsoever. [Washington Post]
Oh weird there’s still somebody out there investigating Trump family crime and money laundering?
Re: Trump’s continued babble-lying about vandals tearing up the Reflecting Pool, Republican Senator John Kennedy says Trump “grows anxious when he has an unexpressed thought.” Which is one of the more insulting things we’ve heard said about Trump in the last few months.
Trump really is so upset about that, really thinks it was vandals and not his own shitty, bad-at-everything work. [JoeMyGod]
Doug Burgum, the interior secretary who looks like he’s trying to get a job as George Washington’s porn stunt double, also is pretending to be so stupid that he thinks it was vandals, but that’s because he’s required to do so for his paycheck. [JoeMyGod]
What does it sound like when a man who speaks entirely in burps raises his voice? Somebody on Bluesky said it was like that split second before a hot dog explodes in the microwave, but anyway, RFK Jr. had a fight with Dana Bash on the Sunday shows yesterday. [Mediaite]
Ohio Republican Senator Bernie Moreno finally has a thought about all those abuse allegations HIS DAUGHTER has levied at Republican Rep. Max Miller, after Miller spent Sunday rambling and denying them.
Flawless logic, definitely not an abuser:
Glorious leader has gloriously won another golf tournament at one of his glorious golf courses. Glory! [JoeMyGod]
Boy, that plan to let Jared Kushner’s family carve up FIFA profits for private equity investments went over like a wet turd. Really stupid own-goal there from Gianni Infantino. Anyway, it has now been rescinded, and people are calling for Infantino’s head on a platter. [AP / ESPN]
Poor stupid racist white nothing-man Benny Johnson has convinced himself that USAID cuts got rid of rap music. OK, Benny. We’d ask if Russia was paying him again, but Russia’s not stupid enough to think USAID cuts got rid of rap music. [Mediaite]
Want something fun and lighthearted and Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski? It is Away We Go, it came out in 2009, it legit made us laugh a number of times and we don’t really do that often with movies. Really great cast, including the late great Catherine O’Hara.
OK, that’ll tab ya for now.
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Hed gif has bears in trees, a thing since prehistory: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/cubs-comfort-concerns
Also have a meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/49e98b9e-8c7e-4c36-8f18-b8634237b063?utm_source=share
"Why would she be offering to cook me dinner and inviting me to playgrounds"
Yeah, because it's not like women try to appease their abusers all the fucking time or anything.
Also I think she might be inviting you to playgrounds when she needs to interact with you because they're public places and she knows you probably won't make a scene.