295 Comments
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Peter MacMonagle's avatar

There are no good VP picks for him. He will not have anyone upstage him on anything. Consequently only MAGIDIOTS are considered and will not do him any favors with the general electorate. Probably should choose Kari Lake; she is already a loser. Make it a double header in November.

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kmblue187's avatar

Trump is all about appearances, so who is the best looking one who is not taller than he is?

Keep in mind all this stuff is Trump's vain attempt to get some attention while some Democrats soil themselves over Joe.

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Brad Granath's avatar

I swear, he's gonna pick one of his kids.

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Zyxomma's avatar

Ta, Evan. Juvenile Delinquent Vance can fuck all the way off.

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Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

If Chump picks Vance, the Governor will be able to appoint a replacement. That replacement could very well be named Mike Dewine.

He's term-limited out in '26, FBI breathing down his neck about the 60 million dollar FirstEnergy bribe, and he has to deal with the Ohio House Republican caucus, which is even stupider than the federal House Republican caucus.

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marydn's avatar

I thought TFG hated facial hair? Besides Vance will make him look old. Pick the already old guy from North Dakota who has a lot of money to waste, I mean donate to the cause.

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Mike Scully's avatar

Tim Scott is getting married for THIS?!?!?!?

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Lionel “8647” Hutz's avatar

My money is still on the proven rapist, fraud and convicted felon Trump picking the lump of goo that his valet dug out between his toes . . .

So, J.D. Vance?

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Mister Bubbles's avatar

Why does a dick tater need a Veep, anyway?

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Ukraine/Haitian's avatar

Is there any rule that says he can't declare himself his own running mate?

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SoBe Smirched's avatar

With Vance’s eyeliner, and PAB’s obvious makeup, there’s opportunity for a commercial. Who wants to be White House next drag superstars?

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Dorothea is a Democrat's avatar

He'll pick one only when he has to. He doesn't want to share the limelight with anybody. Also, too, he won't be picking one based on their abilities, or the appearance that they're smart; he'll pick one that can dissolve into the wall behind them like Mike Pence.

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SurlyAF's avatar

I think Rubio might be his choice. He's completely spineless and has proven himself a capable bootlicker, yet also ready to whip out a Bible verse at a moment's notice. Plus I think PAB would get a kick out of making him uproot his family and move to another state.

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Bupkus231's avatar

"Or is Axios basically a rumor-mongering dumbass that makes Tiger Beat look like real journalism?"

Careful - Charlie Pierce at "Esquire" has long call "Politico" the "Tiger Beat on the Potomac". I doubt he trademarked that phrase, but....

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Emil Muz's avatar

Politico is still putting up a pretty good fight for retaining the title, I don't imagine Axios has the chops to knock out the king.

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Stranger Than Friction's avatar

I believe Evan knows it and somewhat obliquely referenced it with this rhetorical question. I got it right away, anyway. I know when I've referenced it in the non-comments I attribute it to Charlie, but perhaps Evan is implying that the attribution is unnecessary, since many of us here already know.

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oscarphile's avatar

Remind me again WHY the rapist needs to pick a new running mate?

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Funny story. He set a lynch mob on the last one. Though, in fairness to more motivated lynch mobs, I doubt they could have hung Pence on that jerry built thing. The carpentry I saw in that picture wasn't gonna make America great. I swear to god they used lath. It would have broken instantly, and I don't want Pench referred to as "the Man They Could Not Hang."

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Notreelyhelping's avatar

How about “The Man Who was not Hung?”

Despite all the horror that happened that day, I still remember breaking into shameful giggle fits imagining their gallows breaking over and over again, and some hairball yelling, “Hold onto him until I get my drill charged up, dammit!”

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fawkedifiknow's avatar

It's worth mentioning that there doesn't seem to be any rumors or speculation about Ole Orange Toupee Wig-stand choosing anybody who actually served in his shit show just 3 and1/2 years ago.

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Manic Pixel Dream Girl's avatar

After the charisma hole that is Tim Scott was clearly out of the running, I really assumed Vance was the guy. Central casting ("blue eyes"), last name is almost the same as the last guy so PAB doesn't have to remember too many new letters, OH is sort of swing-y, and Vance has proven himself suitably soulless and MAGA-loyal. But PAB can't handle anyone capable of stealing the spotlight and Vance preens far too much. And oh yeah, all that “America’s Hitler” commentary. Little Marco? Not enough $$ and the whole both in FL thing. So I guess it will be Doug What’s-His-Face? A forgettable wallet. Perfect.

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Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

I heard Doug's not completely right with the Christianistas on the whole abortion thing.

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Manic Pixel Dream Girl's avatar

Their party, their choice I guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Villago Delenda Est 🇺🇦's avatar

I still see Vance's ability to mooch limelight from TCFFG/PAB as his Achilles' heel.

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Stranger Than Friction's avatar

I see TFG teasing Vance with the idea, getting his hopes up, and then choosing someone else while the cameras search out Vance's face for reaction shots

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Daniel O'Riordan's avatar

That's what I expect at the convention. Cameras trained on all three for reaction shots while he names some anonymous backbencher true believer from the House with the ability to blend into the wall.

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