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Axios Prettttttttttty Sexcited About Stephanie Grisham's New Book
Get a room WITH YOURSELF, Axios.
Axios has bullet-pointed the morning with some very important news, and it is that former White House press idiot Stephanie Grisham — who before that served as the person who ran Melania Trump's ops in the East Wing, and who before that did some drunk driving shit — has written a memoir about her time working at the White House and not doing press briefings.
Axios would like us to be very excited about this. Axios is just totally making a jizz about this. Axios is gross.
The headline says this will be the "most dangerous" of the Trump White House memoirs. It continues:
Stephanie Grisham has quietly written a top-secret memoir of her four years in Donald Trump's White House, and a publishing source says she'll reveal "surprising new scandals."
Top secret! Escandalo !
Axios talked to somebody, and that somebody said this was something:
A former West Wing colleague of Grisham's tells Axios: "When I heard this, all I could think about was Stephanie surrounded by a lake of gasoline, striking a match with a grin on her face."
That's all they could think about.
Axios talked to somebody else, and that somebody else said a thing about this being a thing:
A source close to the publication told Axios: "Grisham knows where all the bodies are buried because she buried a lot of them herself."
She did the crimes, but she won't do the time! Wait what? Anyway, that person says Grisham has "receipts." Isn't that what the hip kids say, about people who know things about things? That they have "receipts"?
Why else will this be so exciting, Axios? TELL US TELL US TELL US TELL US TELL US.
She saw another side of the Trumps — in the residence — that most staffers never got to see.
Stephanie Grisham saw the Trumps NAKED? Maybe the middle section of the book will have some glossy pages with color photos, like a lot of biographies have, except for this time it'll just all be nudes of Donald. Or maybe it won't.
Anyway, Axios's sources said more words, they are excitement words, because Axios wants us to be excited about this:
Grisham's former West Wing colleague tells [Jonathan] Swan: "There isn't enough water on earth to contain the fire she could set to all of Trump world, including parts like the first lady's orbit, which not many people are in a position to illuminate."
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
"It's hard to articulate how much anxiety this is going to cause."
Then don't even try!
As with all of these books, Wonkette will not be reading this obvious future Newbery Medal winner, but we will definitely copy/paste some stuff and add some value by commenting "Huh!" and "So that happened!" when the excerpts start dropping.
[ Axios ]
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