'Bad Credit? No Credit? No Problem!' Guy Posts $175M Bond For Trump, America Great Again
Whew, that was a close one!
Some idiot bailed Donald Trump’s deadbeat ass out and posted his $175 million bond for his civil fraud judgment in New York.
You know that commercial in your town where they say “BAD CREDIT? NO CREDIT? NOOOOO PROBLEM!” and they promise that everybody gets approved, even if they are a golden retriever without a driver’s license, and that’s how your dog got a Corolla? The guy who posted Donald Trump’s bond is that guy.
Is he toting Donald Trump’s note? OH, IS THAT WHAT THE KIDS ARE CALLING IT THESE DAYS?
We are exaggerating, but only a little bit.
Donald Trump’s sugar daddy is the Knight Specialty Insurance Group, which is in turn owned by the the Hankey Group, controlled by one “Don Hankey,” who’s known as the “King of Subprime Car Loans.” That sounds like the exact kind of “king” who would extend credit to Donald Trump.
What is Trump’s credit score, by the way? What does it say when he logs in to Credit Karma?
MSNBC contributor Lisa Rubin explains that Hankey, on top of his subprime car loan kinging and slinging, is “believed” to be the “largest shareholder in Axos Bank.” She explains:
“If Axos sounds familiar, it's because it's the financial institution that refinanced Trump’s loans on Trump Tower and Doral in 2022. Specifically, Axos has loaned Trump $100 million in his refinancing of Trump Tower and another $125 million for Doral.”
Okey-doke, well, it’s their money, and if they think Donald Trump is a good financial bet, then good for them!
Here is a Forbes article on who Axos is, and why it is still willing to lend to this stupid decomposing loser, long after everybody else has stopped. And here’s another one about the internet bank, which appears to be extremely in bed with the Trumps, Kushners, and shady Republicans in general.
Here’s another one about the extremely weird financing of the sale of the Trump Hotel in DC, which Axos was a big part of, and which refers to Axos as a “suck up bank,” with a chairman who came to Axos in 2007 from IndyMac, which became one of the main characters of the great mortgage crash of 2008, because of how it gave all these “Alt-A” loans to people who couldn’t prove they could pay for them.
Also that last article mentions that Axos bailed Trump out and refinanced the mortgage on Trump Tower in 2022 literally right after his accounting firm Mazars told him to go eat bags of dicks, citing how it now believed Trump’s financial statements to be, in financial terms, dogshit.
We are sensing a possible theme here!
Here is one more paragraph about Axos, from NBC News:
Axos has teamed up with nonbank lenders on loans to small businesses that carried cripplingly high double- and triple-digit effective annual interest rates, loan documents show. The bank has also specialized in loans to foreign nationals, internal documents and its website state, and has offered a type of loan that allows borrowers who paid cash for a property to turn around and instantly take money out. Such loans may pose money laundering risks, banking analysts say.
Very cool, very legal, very Mom-and-Pop.
But back to Mr. Hankey!
He says this is a “business decision, but I happen to be a supporter also.” Yes, sir, we see that. He says Trump put up all the collateral, in cash:
Hankey could not recall if Trump also used bonds as collateral for the finalized bond, noting that his company reviewed some of the former president's bonds, which he said were as "grade-A bonds, investment grade quality securities."
"We're confident that we have very good collateral," Hankey said.
Make Collateral Great Again!
None of it was Truth Social stock, was it? Because if so, Don, we have bad news.
Anyway, we are sure it’s fine, and if Mr. Hankey loses his dick on this, we weren’t counting on him to buy our Christmas presents.
Trump was originally supposed to post the full $464 million civil fraud judgment against him in the state of New York as his bond, lest New York Attorney General Letitia James start collecting Trump properties in her knapsack and selling them on Facebook Marketplace. Then the appeals court rolled over like a you-know-what for Trump and reduced it to $175 million in response to his whining, and gave him an extra 10 days to come up with it. (Wouldn’t want to treat the world-historical fraud ungently!)
As ABC News reminds us, over 30 bond companies originally told Trump to fuck off when the number was $464 million. But we sure bet Mr. Hankey is a very good business man like Trump, who knows exactly what he’s doing.
And if he isn’t, then he can learn the hard way that his MAGA king is a conman who isn’t as rich as he says he is, something that’s been self-evident to non-MAGA non-idiots since before Trump waddled down that elevator in 2015 and took a squat all over America.
Unless he already knows that and none of this deal is actually predicated on the delusion that Trump is a good bet, LOL shut up and stop asking questions.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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So a former President (indicted for 89 felonies) and billionaire (who couldn't pay a bond) is rescued by a janky insurance company owned by a person whose name is synonymous with a talking piece of poop from a cartoon? I really feel like whoever is running this reality is just trolling us now.
On a related note, do a Google search on "Knight Insurance Group Los Angeles." Their rating is 1.6 stars, with the most common complaint being that they don't pay claims. Say what you want about Mr. Hankey of Knight Insurance and Axos Bank, but game recognizes game.
Hope Hicks is flippin'