Barbara Bush: I Wasn't the One Who Put the Fetus In the Jar

Here's a shocking twist in the Fetusjargate story:  Larry Kinggot Barbara Bush ON THE RECORD about putting her fetus in a jar and parading it around the house for George W. and everyone else to see. According to Barbara, "memories dim a little bit," and the story Bush wrote in his book isn't true. Now we can all rest easy, knowing that there never was a fetus jar centerpiece on the Bush family dining-room table, right? No. "Paula put it in the jar. And I was shocked when she gave it to him," said Barbara. Jesus Christ, this is worse! Paula ?

Who in the world is this mysterious "Paula" person who's underneath Barbara shoving her miscarriage into a jam jar, shoving it in George W.'s face, and then wiping the mess of Barbara juice and Barbara chunks off the side of the jar?

BARBARA BUSH: I didn't put it in the jar.

KING: What?

BARBARA BUSH: It's not in the library. No ...

KING: I know.

BARBARA BUSH: George — Paula put it in the jar. And I was shocked when she gave it to him to — but, you know, memories dim a little bit but, anyway — but he was very ...

KING: Were you shocked that he put it in the book?

BARBARA BUSH: No. He asked permission, and I gave him permission. It's his book. And I think he was trying to say that he and I have a very special relationship. We tease all the time, and that's not very nice of me, but —you know, you've got to tease a little bit.

UGH, LARRY, WHY DID YOU INTERRUPT HER? We have no idea who this Paula person is. Was she George W. Bush's mysterious space-alien nanny? Is a "powell-uh" a birthing job they have in Texas that's sort of like being a midwife but for canning fetuses?

Meanwhile, in Detroit:  

Detroit Public Schools officials today were baffled by the gruesome discovery of a jar containing a human fetus.

The jar was found Wednesday at Denby High School, according to Steve Wasko, a spokesman for DPS.

[...]

Investigators from the Office of Inspector General interviewed a science teacher who said the fetus predated his tenure at the school, Wasko said. That teacher started working there in 1986. The teacher said the fetus had always been in the closet, Wasko said.

Wasko, who also saw the fetus, said it was in an air-tight Kraft mustard jar with liquid, apparently preserved.

Well, at least we know where the fetus jar ended up. Not in the "library," but in a Detroit school, putting a curse on that city and driving away terrified residents to this very day. [ YouTube / Politico / Detroit Free Press ]