Being MAGA Means Pretending You’d Really Rather Spend New Year’s With Vanilla Ice Than Green Day
Sad sad sad sad sad.
Interesting juxtaposition at the intersection of pop culture and the political news this day after New Year’s Day.
Start with this tweet Ron Filipkowski captured:
That would be MAGA creep Georgia Republican Rep. Mike Collins tweeting, “Vanilla Ice > Green Day.” It doesn’t matter whether he actually believes it or not. It’s gag-yourself-with-a-spoon depressing either way, believing that truly, or being forced to pretend out loud that you believe it.
So, if you’ve missed the New Year’s Eve news, two big things happened:
Green Day performed on the big Rockin’ New Year’s Eve show and they changed the words of “American Idiot” to say “I’m not part of a MAGA agenda” instead of “I’m not part of a redneck agenda.” (Arguably the change was unnecessary.) This is obviously the most offensive thing that has ever happened, if you are a sad white MAGA sucker with no self esteem like the song by fellow ‘90s rockers The Offspring.
Mar-a-Lago threw the most pathetic New Year’s party in actual human history. The headliners were Vanilla Ice and one (1) guy in a Ninja Turtle costume, and we are all supposed to pretend these were the first numbers they called when it was time to book the entertainment.
Hence “Vanilla Ice > Green Day.”
We could play that game where we look up how successful Green Day has been vis-à-vis Vanilla Ice, how many millions of records sold, how many hit Broadway musicals, but fuck off. This is self-evidently pathetic.
Speaking of Elon Musk!
He is not only very upset that Green Day changed the lyric, he is trying to say Green Day is the “machine” and he and his band of drooling incels are TEH REBELSSSSS who rage against them.
“Not the Bee,” which is where the Babylon Bee writes real news but still isn’t funny, tweeted, “Green Day tried to prove they’re still cool by changing their lyrics to slam the ‘MAGA agenda’ on TV last night.” Thus saith the well-known arbiters of what is cool, “Not the Bee.”
And Elon, who follows accounts like that, replied, “Green Day goes from raging against the machine to milquetoastedly raging for it LAUGHING UNTIL CRYING EMOJI LAUGHING UNTIL CRYING EMOJI.”
As we all know, that emoji is the universal sign for pretending to laugh but really being ANGRIER AT THE MACHINE THAN YOU’VE EVER BEEN.
Also, “milquetoastedly.” No comment necessary.
It’s worth pointing out that Elon Musk, who is still we guess the richest man in the world, is very mad at The Green Day Industrial Complex on the same day the news is reporting that Fidelity, one of Elon’s biggest investors in the Twitter deal, has recently downgraded the value of its shares 71.5 percent below what they were when Elon bought it. Do the math and that is a metric shitload of money Elon has made disappear forever.
So that happened.
The Mar-a-Lago party? Good god, we do not even know what to say.
Here is your video of Donald Trump angrily not dancing to “Ice Ice Baby,” which was being performed onstage by its original artist, who was there.
Lee Greenwood was there and he sang that shitty song that makes Gomers cry, and Roger Stone was there, and Trump’s lawyer Alina Habba and Judge Jeanine were there, and reportedly the MyPillow Guy and Rudy Giuliani, but nobody snapped any paparazzi shots of those two, we guess.
Eric and Lara Trump attended. She wore this gown that, let’s say, displeased some of her MAGA insta followers, who filled her comments basically calling her a whore, but in that white Christian lady way that says “Lara you are absolutely gorgeous you don’t need a dress like this!” and “The dress is a no, not classy. We need amazing role models for young women, not another Taylor Swift,” instead of just spelling the word “whore.”
Also, we don’t know how to say this, but the pic in question may be the handsomest picture Eric has ever taken. He looks normal! It’s weird. We’d show it to you here, but we promised not to.
So that happened.
That’s the sad juxtaposition. Mar-a-Lago’s party was dreadfully pathetic, and Green Day murdered all the MAGA people by saying something mean, but don’t worry, they got better.
Fox News is, of course, being extremely sad and thirsty about every bit of this, pretending out of one side of its mouth that “people are so sick of being preached at about politics from rock bands,” while simultaneously being the network that brings on complete losers like DJ Pauly D and Fabio, in a desperate attempt to pretend they all matter.
Of course, these are people for whom Kid Rock is a cultural icon. Guess he wasn’t avails for the Mar-a-Lago shebang, though. :(
Try-hard Republican Rep. Kat Cammack went on Fox Business this morning and tried out the talking point, “nothing is better under Joe Biden’s America, heck, even Anderson Cooper is doing shots on live television.” So that is just the saddest thing we have ever heard, in a blog post full of the saddest things we’ve ever heard. It strongly suggests nobody has ever invited Cammack to a New Year’s Eve party, or any party, or a restaurant, or their house, in her life. We get it, because she seriously does not seem cool. But still so sad.
Finally, speaking of Anderson Cooper and speaking of drinking on TV — THANKS JOE BIDEN — here’s Anderson and Andy Cohen being deliciously petty and mean about Elon right there during the CNN New Year’s broadcast. That’ll be a good place to end this post.
[videos via Ron Filipkowski / Aaron Rupar]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
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I did not expect to ever watch Anderson Cooper being catty. Even when Evan introduced the clip I did not think I would click on it. And then I noticed it was quite short and ... somehow I just did. I clicked. And there I was watching the cattiness. And just when I thought it was over they started giggling and the cattiness doubled every 5 seconds thereafter. AND I WAS THERE FOR ALL OF IT.
This is so not usually my thing, but thank you, Evan. I guess I did need to see CattyCooper giggle maliciously today.
“milquetoastedly.”
Stares motherfuckedly.