Ben Carson Graciously Agrees To Hot Date With Ted Cruz For Make-Up Sex

Sure why not?

Everyone knows the best part of having a lovers' quarrel is the making up. Whether the tiff is about whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, or why Ted Cruz is a lying cheating sleazebag som'bitch who stole the Iowa caucuses from Donald Trump by spreading vicious lies that Ben Carson dropped out to spend even more time resting his eyes, at least there's the cuddling afterward that makes it OK:

Ben Carson says he plans to meet with Sen. Ted Cruz on Thursday in South Carolina, as the two men try to clear the air over Cruz's campaign tactics in Iowa last week.

[contextly_sidebar id="dg3Jr0Xz9LnoyRXx8zIKuXX9prVEg5Cu"]What were those campaign tactics again? Ohhh right, Cruz's campaign told errryone in Iowa that Carson was suspending his campaign, so don't bother voting for Carson, that's all behind us now, just vote for Cruz. It's an innocent enough mistake any campaign could make if that campaign had no problem making shit up to try to unethically and immorally and Cruziciously sway an election. Who among us hasn't done that, after all?!

Besides, Cruz apologized for it after the damage was done, and other than potentially costing Carson some votes, and maybe even handing the prized third place win to Marco Rubio, really, what was the harm? And just look at how that mensch Cruz accepted full responsibility at the Republican debate on Saturday, for his inadvertent shenanigans:

I knew nothing about this. A couple hours later, I found out about it. I was told that Ben was unhappy. I called him that evening because I respect him very, very highly. I didn't reach him that evening.

I reached him the next day and apologized. He asked me then, he said, Ted, would you make this apology in public? I said, yes, I will. And I did so. I regret that subsequently, CNN reported on that -- they didn't correct that story until 9: 15 that night. So from 6:30 p.m. to 9:15, that's what CNN was reporting.

Ha, just kidding, of course Ted Cruz says it's not his fault and blames CNN for spreading vicious lies about his old buddy, old pal Ben Carson. Except -- surprise! -- CNN says Ted Cruz is a lying sack of moose poo and joins the rest of the known universe in hating his guts:

Cruz also claimed CNN had inaccurately reported that Carson was suspending his campaign "from 6: 30 p.m. to 9:15," and "didn't correct that story until 9:15 that night."

That is false. CNN never reported that Carson was suspending his campaign and never issued a correction, because there was no need to do so.

Ah well. Details. The good gifted-hands doctor is sure that he and Cruz can come to some kind of amiable understanding about how Cruz's campaign deliberately fucked him without lube because -- verbatim quote here, folks, not kidding -- "Everybody has a brain."

We really have to question that theory, considering Carson's willingness to repeatedly, publicly absolve Cruz for dirty trickstering him, which, while great for Cruz, doesn't seem to benefit Carson, like, at all. Not that he's too worried about it:

"I will continue to be on the trail as long as the good lord leaves the doors open," he said. "We have a lot of support on social media and people continue to donate. As long as that's the case, I will continue to go forward.”

By the look of things, though, the good lord might be fixing to slam those doors closed right about now:

At least if Ben Carson does come in last place in New Hampshire on Tuesday night, that should give him a mighty good excuse for not hooking up with Cruz on Thursday in South Carolina. On the other hand, if the voters refuse to write Carson a note to excuse him from the rest of this primary race, and he ends up being Cruz's plaything in South Carolina, well, we hope this time, Cruz at least buys him dinner first.

[ POLITICO / WaPo / CNN ]