Ben Carson Is Black, Wants His Consolation Prize, Send Money Please

Look at me, I can be … Trump’s VP!

If you believe dumb things like polls and election results and reality, you probably believe that Ben Carson, who kicked some serious ass on his way to a not-last-place finish last night in Nevada and who may or may not be asleep at this very moment and whose campaign may or may not be a Ponzi scheme , will not be president. But that is only because you do not know the stakes: Without Ben Carson, who has inspired countless dozens (OK, probably about three) in the course of this election, Republicans are DOOMED! And if Republicans aren’t dumb enough to make him president, well, he’d be cool with a consolation prize, too.

Oh, and could you send him some money, please?

From a fund-raising email the Carson camp sent Yr Wonkette last night, full of trenchant and Very S-M-R-T political analysis, and noting that Carson is A Black:

Only 3 states have voted. We still have 50+ states/territories to go. The field has gone from 17 candidates to 5.

Today it is critically important that we press on for one very important reason. That reason is simply this…

Without Ben Carson on the Republican ticket, either as our presidential nominee or even as our vice presidential nominee, the Democrats will win the White House and the America we love will disappear.

With former Florida Governor Jeb Bush out of the race and Ohio Governor John Kasich teetering on the brink, this race is still in flux.

And, ironically, in some ways, nothing has changed.

Ben Carson is still the key to a Republican victory in 2016.

Trump, Rubio, and Cruz are all destined to lose in 2016 because without Ben Carson on the ticket, they will lose the African American vote. […]

By fighting on, there is always the possibility that Ben Carson will once again become resurgent.

But, even if that does not happen, by keeping his hat in the ring, it increases the odds that he will be chosen as the vice presidential candidate of the GOP in 2016.

And, with Dr. Carson on the ticket, we will win in a landslide that will drive far left radicals like Obama, Clinton, and Sanders out of the political mainstream.

Now is the time to redouble our efforts to make sure that Ben Carson is on the Republican ticket in 2016.

(BRB, grabbing our checkbook.)

The blacks, you see, will vote for a black, even if that black is playing second fiddle to an out-and-proud racist who stands for everything they abhor, and even if the actual black president who polls in the 90s among African-Americans is actively campaigning for the other guys. This is flawless logic! Trump-Carson 2016, y’all. They’ll be the biggest winners you’ve ever seen!

Send money please.