Ben Shapiro Being F*ckin' Weirdo About Senate Gay Marriage Vote, Don't Faint

Talkin' about Martians and shit.

Ben Shapiro is going through some things. The Senate voted   overwhelmingly yesterday to open debate on a bill codifying marriage equality in law, after Clarence Thomas signaled in his Dobbs concurrence that he wants to use that illegitimate partisan hack ruling to murder marriage equality, contraception, and everything else good and holy. The Senate vote was 62 to 37. Again, overwhelming.

Ben Shapiro is apoplectic. And he's being a total fucking nerd about it, and by "nerd," we mean the pocket protector kind, the caricature type that hung out with Screech and Violet on "Saved By The Bell." Imagine if one of those characters was a sexually repressed white fascist and you'd have Ben right now. He can't just say he doesn't think society should give gay couples equal rights. He has to say:  

“If you vote for the idea that society has an obligation to recognize male-male or female-female dyads in the same way that society has to recognize male-female, you should not be in the Republican Party”

 Hennnghhhennnnnghhhhennnnghsnortsnort "DYADS!" 

Somewhere in his warped brain he probably thinks he's making an important distinction here, intentionally using the word "dyad" because to just say "couple" like a normal person would confer normalcy upon gay couples he's not willing to give.

Unfortunately for Ben, the normalcy is already there. Again, 62 to 37 in a half-Republican Senate. Fully SEVENTY-ONE percent of Americans support marriage equality. It's only 28 percent who don't, and those people are irrelevant crap. As Charlie Sykes noted in his Bulwark newsletter this morning, even the Mormon church is fine with this bill.

 Senate Really About To Protect Gay Marriage, Honest To F*ckin God 

 Ooh, Hillary Clinton's Talkin' Sh*t About Clarence Thomas 

Of course, once you stop laughing at "dyads," you see that Ben is literally saying that if you support marriage equality, you should not be in the Republican Party. To which we reply: Cool plan, loser. Get rid of red waves for good, that'd be fine with us. When the House voted on this, 47 Republicans voted for it. Get rid of all of those and guess who wouldn't be taking the speaker's gavel come January?

So that is how Ben Shapiro is feeling about all this politically .

But on a personal level Shapiro is also melting down, which brings us to his second instance of being a fucking nerd about this. He is just pretty sure that Hennnghhhennnnnghhhhennnnghsnortsnort "MARTIANS!" would be against marriage equality, and he is tired of people acting like the only reason somebody would be opposed to marriage equality is because they hold dumbass bigoted religious beliefs. (It's a pretty major reason.)

“Ben Shapiro says even Martians would be opposed to same-sex marriage: "You could be a visitor from Mars and you could see that all of human procreation relies on man, woman, child"”

— Jason Campbell (@Jason Campbell) 1668622682 

As you can see, Shapiro is yapping at his fellow weirdo white fascist male cohost Matt Walsh, most recently seen on Wonkette hyperventilating because the US Men's Soccer Team is wearing rainbow patches for part of the World Cup. Because that's what alpha male guys reach for their inhalers about.

 Matt Walsh Having Heart Palpitations Because US Men's Soccer Team Doing Gay Rainbow Flag Thingie 

Here is Ben babbling about   Hennnghhhennnnnghhhhennnnghsnortsnort "MARTIANS!" :

“The thing that’s really amazing to me is that it is now, apparently, the law of the land and societal rule that the only rationale that you could possibly have for saying that a marriage is between a man and a woman is because you’re a Christian, or a Jew, or a Muslim."

Correction, only if you are a wackjob fundamentalist . Reg'lar religious-believin' folks are fine with this.

“That’s really the only reason at all. That the only reason – we’ll allow you to have these crazy beliefs so long as you can show that they’re crazy beliefs. So long as you can show that the reason you believe a marriage is between a man and a woman is because you read it in a book, and because you really believe the book – they keep saying sincere religious belief."

Blah blah blah get to the Martians.

“I don’t even know how you measure sincere religious belief. I’m highly annoyed by the constant derogation of non-religious arguments into religious arguments. This is what the Left loves to do. They like to say you’re pro-life, the reason you’re pro-life is because of your crazy religion. And so, maybe we can respect your crazy religion along — that is not the argument for marriage.

“The argument for marriage has literally nothing to do with religion."

It does, though.

"You could be a visitor from Mars and you could see that all of human procreation relies on man, woman, child. This is not particularly difficult stuff.”

 HENNNNNGHHHHENNNNGHHENGHSNORTSNORT "MARTIANS!" 

So Ben Shapiro's argument is that if somebody came from Mars, they could see that humans procreate with P-in-V sex. That much is correct, assuming Martians exist and have eyes what can observe fuckin'. What he does not prove — the part that comes from his fucked up, unsupported religious beliefs about these things — is that said P-in-V procreation is necessarily tied to religiously proscribed one-man-one-woman monogamous heterosexual marriage, or that such a thing is even ideal.  

Fuckin' Martians aren't sayin' all that. Fuckin' Martians aren't coming down and spying on conservative heterosexual couples doin' it and immediately making a donation to Ben Shapiro's Daily Wire.

Besides, aren't we always hearing aliens are more into butt stuff anyway?

Please remember at all times when we are discussing Ben Shapiro that this is a man who got so squicked out when he heard a woman rapping about her "wet ass pussy" that he went to his physician wife to ask what kind of a medical condition that might suggest .

If you're taking anything from this guy about marriage, political or personal, heterosexual or otherwise, you're not nailing it.

In summary and in conclusion:

[ Media Matters / JoeMyGod ]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here! 

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .