Benny Hill Star Boris Johnson Buggers Off Before Parliament Can Sack Him In The Fanny

Watch out for that lorry!

 NBC News reports that "For the first time in two decades, on Monday there was a blond, disheveled, stout-shaped hole at the heart of British politics." This is a slightly melodramatic (and body shaming) way of saying that former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson's political career is officially over.

 Johnson abruptly resigned his position from Parliament Friday. An internal investigation had concluded that Johnson gave "misleading" statements about the pandemic-defying parties he'd enjoyed in government buildings over 2020 and 2021, when most Brits — unlike the Americans caterwauling about their freedom — were actually confined to their homes. (The fines for any lockdown violations weren't insignificant, either.) He insisted that he "honestly believed" the five events he'd attended were “lawful work gatherings” intended to boost sagging morale of an overburdened staff. That's hardly an excuse, though, considering everyone's morale was for shit during the pandemic.

Johnson faced suspension from the House of Commons for more than 10 days, and this would've triggered a local election where he'd have to fight for his seat. George Santos is still a member of the House of Representatives and he's under federal indictment. 

Resigning before the hammer falls means Johnson can technically run for Parliament again, once this all cools down and his hair is slightly less unhinged.

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Johnson replaced Theresa May, who was buried under Brexit, in 2019. His own tenure was even more disastrous, but he of course views it differently.

“Just a few years after winning the biggest majority in almost half a century, that majority is now clearly at risk,” Johnson said. “Our party needs urgently to recapture its sense of momentum and its belief in what this country can do.”

 He further ranted in his resignation statement:  

The committee’s report is riddled with inaccuracies and reeks of prejudice but under their absurd and unjust process I have no formal ability to challenge anything they say.

He even echoed Donald Trump:

I am not alone in thinking that there is a witch-hunt under way, to take revenge for Brexit and ultimately to reverse the 2016 referendum result.

Johnson's a British Conservative, so that means he's annoying but not a complete raving loon. He introduced emergency powers to mitigate the spread of COVID-19 (he just sucked at actually following them) and approved a nationwide vaccination program. He also sided with Ukraine after Putin's Russia invaded.

But he's also a bigoted jerk who practiced crony politics. See, there's some US conservatism in him, after all.

Johnson has previously survived near political death , possibly because it's so hard to stay mad at anyone who dances like this. (Don't worry, the clip is pre-pandemic.)

“Boris Johnson at a work meeting”

— David Ziggy Greene (Illustrator?) (@David Ziggy Greene (Illustrator?)) 1642092281 

However, this time everyone seems cautiously optimistic that he's toast.

Nick Dickinson, a Bingham Fellow in Constitutional Studies at the University of Oxford, told NBC News, "I would deem it unlikely that Boris Johnson has a political future of much consequence." Dickinson added, “While Conservative activists retain a lot of affection for him, he remains extremely unpopular in the country as a result of the scandals which precipitated his fall from power."

This isn't the US, where "conservatives" forgive party leaders who store boxes of classified documents next to the toilet. The Brits will probably never forget that Johnson shook his groove thing during COVID lockdown. He seriously stepped down as prime minister because of that scandal. Meanwhile in the states, Fox News would've celebrated a right-wing politician who defied COVID restrictions.

Energy Secretary Grant Shapps told NBC News' British partner Sky News on Sunday, "The world has moved on from Boris Johnson."

Let's hope this time that's actually true.

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