Best Puppy Ever Todd Blanche Will Do Anything For Trump, You Name It, Daddy Sir!
Maybe he thinks the things that happen to other Trump lawyers' careers won't happen to his.
Todd Blanche is the bestest American lawyer. Just ask his boss!
But even the bastard child of Matlock and Clarence Darrow isn’t a shoo-in for the attorney general job left vacant after Pam Bondi got banished to wander in the Everglades. Our Todd’s gotta work for it! Indicting Jim Comey for seashell murder plots and accusing the SPLC of funding the KKK is just table stakes.
Counselor Blanco is committed to giving Dear Leader whatever his little heart desires. And today, his heart desires a thorough trampling of the First Amendment. Per the Wall Street Journal:
Blanche vowed to secure subpoenas specifically targeting the records of reporters who have worked on sensitive national security stories, one official said. In one meeting, Trump passed a stack of news articles he and other senior officials thought threatened national security to Blanche with a sticky note on it that said “treason,” another administration official said. Senior Justice Department officials have met with counterparts from the Pentagon to discuss the investigations, according to officials familiar with the meetings.
The Journal says it received a grand jury subpoena last week over a February 23 article revealing that General Dan Caine, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, warned Trump before he started this pointless war that the US military might not have the capacity or the appetite for a protracted conflict. He also suggested Iran might have a few cards — or tollbooths! — to play of its own.
Treasonnnnnnnnn!!!!1!
And so Blanche dusted off the knees of his suit and rushed to find out who was blabbity-blabbing to reporters Alexander Ward, Lara Seligman, and Shelby Holliday.
(Spoiler Alert: It is everybody. This admin leaks like a sieve, and those three have been developing Defense Department sources forever.)
The Journal, which is already fending off an eleventy-trillion-dollar lawsuit over Trump’s booby birthday message to Jeffrey Epstein, vows to fight the subpoena in court.
Fingers crossed the motion to quash goes to Chief Judge James Boasberg, who just shredded DC US Attorney Jeanine Pirro for trying to subpoena Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell. It’ll be worth it for the tweets alone.
Who will Todd Blanche lock up next? Let’s spin the demented wheel and see!
Oh, lookie loo! It’s a screenshot from some sci-fi writer posted on Truth Social time to arrest California Senator Adam Schiff for …
Ughhh, OK. Only for you, darlings, would we watch the attached video of Jonathan Turley, turley-et-ing his sagging ass off on Fox News about locking Adam Schiff up for leaking classified information. Pay no attention to the Speech or Debate Clause, kids — you know Turley won’t.
Add Schiff to the conspiracy pile. Because Todd Blanche isn’t just locking people up in ones-and-twos. He’s going to tie ‘em all up in one great conspiracy. A grand conspiracy! One conspiracy to rule them all!
Written in seashells!
Sure RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA is far outside the statute of limitations. But if you think about it, aren’t all things part of one big plot to get Trump?
As the underpaid and overworked scribe of the Washington Post Perry Stein put it:
The wide-ranging investigation is based on an unusual and untested legal theory: that previous administrations conspired for years to violate President Donald Trump’s rights through a series of investigations, beginning with the Obama administration’s examination of ties between Russia and Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign.
Seen in just the right light (probably one of those that they use on CSI to find the spooge), isn’t the raid on Mar-a-Lago and the Mueller investigation and the dastardly framing of poor, sainted Donald Trump by Barack Hussein Obama and Hillary Clinton and Schiff’s leaks all part of the same plot, and thus … inside the statute of limitations?
Also probably racketeering?
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Well, no. And Obama can’t be charged for anything he did in office thanks to six robed hacks who gave Trump that special handy back in 2024. But by the time a real judge sorts it out, Blanche will already be attorney general. That’s why they parked this fever dream in Fort Pierce, Florida, home of Judge Aileen “Pick Me, Daddy” Cannon and no other federal judges.
And who better to operationalize this quintuple bank shot than OG hairball Joe diGenova! Pam Bondi kept Joe, who hasn’t been a federal prosecutor since 1988 and acted as the beating prostate of the 2019 Ukraine smear, far away from this case.
And now she’s out of a job, which just goes to show ya!
COUGHA COUGHA COUGHA COUGHA HACK PTOOEY:
Before Bondi got the boot, she managed to turn herself into a South Park meme about brown nosing.
By the time Blanche bets the farm, God knows what kind of characters they’ll have created for him.
[Washington Post gift link/ Wall Street Journal gift link]
Woo Hoo!!! Liz Dye is back!
>>Trump: "We have a man who is doing a great job. I knew it! Because he kept me out of jail for years. Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche. He kept me out of jail."
I remember a time when a sitting president saying this would have sent both him and the attorney to prison