TRUMP AND JOE BIDEN BOTH STOLE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS AND TOOK THEM TO MAR-A-LAGO! (Except Joe Biden)

This thing is not like that thing.

Aw Jesus Christ, get ready for the both-sides-ing from hell, from MAGA trolls and dumbass Beltway media types alike. They found some classified documents — about 10 of them — from the time when Joe Biden was veep in a drawer at his foundation in DC.

Who's "they"? We'll get there in a second. First we have to hit the all caps.

BOTH SIDES DO IT, EVERYBODY STEALS CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS, WHAT ABOUT ALL THE 33,000 DOCUMENTS OF OBAMA? WHAT ABOUT HILLARY DOING BLEACHES TO EMAILS?

Whew, that felt good.

Of course, there are a few differences, and we think they're kind of important. They were at the Penn Biden Center, as opposed to being in his nightstand or in the changing area at Mar-a-Lago next to Eric's spare swimming trunks and floaties.

Also Joe Biden's attorneys were the ones who found them, and they immediately called the National Archives in November and said hey, why don't you come get these? The Department of Justice is investigating, and everybody is cooperating.

How immediately did they call? The same day, according to special counsel to the president Richard Sauber:

"On the day of this discovery, November 2, 2022, the White House Counsel’s Office notified the National Archives. The Archives took possession of the materials the following morning."

And had the National Archives or the Justice Department been calling the Penn Biden Center and saying hey you fuckers, we are pretty sure there are some missing documents you seem to have taken to Mar-a-Lago? Did they get   dicked around for over a year? Were there HUNDREDS OF THEM?

No, no, and no.

"The discovery of these documents was made by the President’s attorneys, Sauber added in the statement. "The documents were not the subject of any previous request or inquiry by the Archives."

"Since that discovery, the President’s personal attorneys have cooperated with the Archives and the Department of Justice in a process to ensure that any Obama-Biden Administration records are appropriately in the possession of the Archives."

Okeydoke.

The US attorney in Chicago is handling the case. (It's a Trump-appointed US attorney, by the way.) Looks like Biden's lawyers did what they were supposed to do when they found the docs. Because CBS News thought to ask, the answer is no, none of the documents at the Biden think tank were nuclear secrets.

 You know why they asked. They had to ask.

 Oh THAT Stolen Mar-a-Lago Nuke Doc? Trump Did Not Know You Meant THAT Stolen Mar-a-Lago Nuke Doc! 

 How Long Have Feds Been Worried About Trump's Stolen Docs? Since BEFORE He Waddled Out Of The White House 

 Trumpland Lawyer Christina Bobb Gets Chatty With Uncle Merrick 

 Trump Had MORE Stolen Classified Docs In Storage Unit Out By The Highway? You Lie! 

As we said, the both-sides-ing, it is going to be incredibly stupid, and it has already begun.

The senile rotting armpit carcass of Mar-a-Lago is ass-belching into his Truth Social toilet about it, obviously. For example, "When is the FBI going to raid the many homes of Joe Biden, perhaps even the White House? These documents were definitely not declassified." He spent the whole night babbling. You may read it if you have literally nothing better to do, or if you are Special Counsel Jack Smith and you're watching to see if he accidentally confesses to any crimes.

James Comer, the redneck Republican congressman who will run the House Oversight Committee and likes to heavy breathe while he admonishes reporters to please keep their questions about Hunter Biden, has questions and comments:

"What's the difference in what President Trump did versus what we now know President Biden did," he wondered. "We want to know exactly what documents were taken by both President Trump and now President Biden and want to know if they're gonna treat President Biden any differently than they treated President Trump."

Poor James Comer, so many questions that have already been answered in this and every other news article.

Also Kevin McCarthy, who needs to shut his yap and go get humiliated some more:

GOP House Speaker Kevin McCarthy called the recovery of documents with classified markings from Mr. Biden's time as vice president "very concerning." He added, "He's had these classified [documents], and what has he said about the other president with classified documents?" Asked if this instance is different because attorneys found them and "immediately" handed the material over, McCarthy replied, "Oh, really? They just now found them after all those years."

Bless his heart. The newness of that gavel isn't going to wear off for a long time, is it?

And finally (at least for this post) Donald Trump Jr. snorted out this hysterical response:

“When will the FBI’s Hostage Rescue Team storm one of Biden’s many vacation homes bought and paid for somehow by a lifetime of being a humble public servant?”

— Donald Trump Jr. (@Donald Trump Jr.) 1673305491 

That tweet won't make your father love you, Junior.

Anyway, here is some more from Maddow. We are going to be hearing about this every day for the next two years, especially when and if Trump is arrested and buried under Guantanamo. It's entirely different from what Trump did, but our Republican enemies are liars devoid of integrity, and they will never, ever admit that.

“Reports of the discovery of classified documents at the Penn Biden Center briefly stirred a flurry of excitement on the right, but the details so far take the wind out of the the "whatabout" argument they might have hoped for.”

— Maddow Blog (@Maddow Blog) 1673320733 

[ Axios / CBS News ]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here! 

And once that doesn't exist, I'm also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post! 

Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .