Good morning everybody, I just learned something, so let’s all learn about this new thing together. It’s called a Kelvin wave!
A Kelvin wave, explains The Weather Channel as though this is something we all knew about and it’s NBD, is a big fuckin’ mass of water, blithely described as a type of “planetary” action.
I’m sorry, a what now?
Or any amount of your liking aqui.
The Weather Channel article goes on to discuss how “a hump” of warm water is coming for us and it’s likely to temporarily raise sea levels here in California by a foot.
A foot? Twelve inches of sea level rise??
“A foot of extra water might not seem like much, but that means more beach erosion and a higher risk of coastal flooding,” says The Weather Channel in the most casual tone possible, reminding me that The Weather Channel was co-founded by a guy I knew once upon a time back in my broadcast days, John Coleman, who was a local-to-me meteorologist guy best known for doing the weather, pronouncing station identifiers in cutesy-pie ways, and denying anthropogenic climate change!
A food of extra water actually seems like a fuck of a lot, to me! I live in a coastal city! So do lots and lots and lots of other people! We’re already down at least one whole beach!
Anyway, so sea levels around here are rising a whole-ass foot, or one-third of a meter if you want to get all fancy and European about it, because of this Kelvin wave that is racing toward us. And no one knows exactly when it’s going to get here!
Well, I don’t expect much from Republicans, so at least Democrats are on top of that whole climate change issue that has gone from a vague future threat to an immediate concern within my lifetime, but especially within the last couple of years! Oh wait, someone’s handing me a note … ah, shit.
Well, I guess the Democratic Party got bored with talking about climate catastrophes and shit! Instead, a Democratic group has released a report — the first of its kind in six solid years — that bravely steps up and focuses on the economy instead.
“We envision an economy where businesses have the confidence to invest for the long-term, communities are better prepared for future risks, and the natural systems that support our prosperity are recognized as essential economic assets,” says an executive summary. “In this future, resilience becomes a guiding principle for how government invests, plans, partners, and measures success.”
Oh yeah man, for sure, great job. I remember from covering everything that happened during and after Hurricane Katrina and how it destroyed New Orleans how focusing on the economy really made people step up and do something about global warming, which is why we don’t have to deal with it today! Oh hold on, I’m getting handed another note …
All right! Well, at least the Environmental Protection Agency is thriving and robust and definitely won’t let down the American people! Hang on, let me read this story from this week with the headline “E.P.A. Erases Limits on Climate Pollution From Power Plants” … oh.
“The shift by the Environmental Protection Agency completed the administration’s erasure of the most consequential climate policies of Presidents Joseph R. Biden Jr. and Barack Obama,” sez the New York Times. “If the move survives expected legal challenges, it could also prevent future administrations from regulating greenhouse gas emissions from power plants.”
It sort of seems like harming the lives of millions of people and creating conditions that will cause their premature deaths, including probably my own and yours, too, simply because you want money and believe conspiracy theories and rode the backs of broadcast media morons to fame, shouldn’t be allowed!
But here we are, waiting for a big fuckin’ wave to hit us and raise our sea levels by twelve fucking inches, but it’s fine, lads, it’s all fine, because the EPA is now headed by a QAnon fucknut and Democrats have decided to step up and uh ….
But hey it’s not all bad, if you’re a lump of coal, or a fossil fuels investor. Finally, someone is thinking of the gasbags among us.
This is not the blue wave we have been hoping for . . .
I would assume a Kelvin wave would do absolute(ly) zero damage.