Bill Donohue's Cunning Plan To Wreck Pride Parade Foiled By Those Meddling Gays

It was only a few days ago that we had to talk ceaselessly about which beer companies were pulling out of sponsorships of terrible bigoted Saint Patrick's Day parades in Boston and New York City. You'd probably already entirely forgotten about that tempest in a beer mug, but the Catholic League's Bill Donohue has been sitting alone in a dark room brooding and scheming and sulking, trying to figure out a way to get back at those gays. Jesus appeared to Bill and said "Bill, you shall go forth into the desert, and there you shall see a vision of how to fuck with the Gay Pride Parade." Bill made his pilgrimage, and came up with this cunning plan:  he would demand that he get to march in NYC's Pride Parade under a "Straight is Great" banner. HAHA GAYS YA BURNT.

Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League and a vocal opponent of LGBT rights, said Wednesday he wants to march in the 2014 New York City Pride Parade under a banner reading, “Straight is great.” [...]

“Are they going to let me do it or not? I’m waiting to see what they want to say,” Donohue said, explaining the pride parade organizers require participants to carry LGBT signs. “All right, you can disagree with their rules, but that’s their parade. Why don’t they respect us when it comes to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade?”

Yeah, Pride? What you got to say about that, hmmmmm? Bill Donohue sure showed you that you are the real bigots for not letting the Saint Patrick's Day parades be bigots! Never mind the fact that it was shrewd capitalism that likely forced the beer sponsors out rather than anti-religious fervor. Bill Donohue had a plan, man. This would have all worked out, except for those pesky gays, who foiled Bill Donohue by saying "sure mang, come march in our Pride Parade. Love to have you."

“Mr. Donohue and his group are free to participate in the 2014 March,” said David Studinski, march director at NYC Pride, in a statement. “His group’s presence affirms the need for this year’s Pride theme, ‘We Have Won When We’re One.’ Straight is great – as long as there’s no hate.”

Chris Frederick, managing director of the organization, said “straight allies are great,” including the thousands that participate in the parade every year like Catholic groups that support LGBT equality. [...]

Sarah Kate Ellis, president and CEO of GLAAD, asked Donohue to march with her in the parade.

“As a fellow Irish New Yorker, I’m hoping Bill will march with me at NYC Pride,” Ellis said. “I look forward to the day when I can march openly with Bill in the NYC St. Patrick’s Day Parade, and not be turned away because of who I am.”

For a rational person, it would be difficult to maintain your hate hard on after the gheys stuck a flower in your gun barrel, metaphorically, but we know that Bill Donohue is fueled by rage, and rather than going away, he'll just keep working himself up into near aneurysm-inducing levels of anger over the fact that some people he doesn't even know would like to marry some other people he doesn't even know.

Also, Billy Boy seems to be forgetting about the part where he already justified opposing the gays in the Paddy Parade by saying that he would totally never bother the homosexxicans about being in their parade.

[O]rganizers pointed to a recent interview in which he said he wouldn’t ask to be included. During an interview on World Over with Raymond Arroyo, Donohue said, “If I wanted to get into their gay pride parade with my own float with big banners saying ‘straight is great,’ they would have a right to feel put-upon and I wouldn’t do that to them.”

Here's the thing, Billy. We don't know or care if you want to represent your peculiarly narrowly focused bit of hatred in the Pride Parade because no one is going to refuse to give the gays sponsorship monies over letting you march, because everyone knows you are an unfunny joke, and fighting/boycotting/whatever just gives creeps like you oxygen. Enjoy your 2014 New York City Pride Parade, Bill Donohue. We'll make sure the gays send some happily married and tolerant homos your way.

[ Buzzfeed ]