Discover more from Wonkette
New Madison Cawthorn Stupider Than Old Madison Cawthorn, Somehow
Meet Bo Hines and his community abortion review board for rape and incest victims!
We do not know if there is something in the water over there in North Carolina, or maybe if some of the livestock have Mad Cow disease, but that state breeds a certain kind of stupid when it comes to blond Aryan bigot boys.
Hell, you wanna reach back in your memory banks, you could go back to Jason and David Benham, sons of anti-abortion extremist Flip Benham, the Aryan bigot twins who one time were going to get a show on HGTV but they didn't because they're fucking bigots.
Of course, most of y'all are probably thinking of Aryan mountain steed Madison Cawthorn, peace be upon his finished career.
But when God closes a Madison Cawthorn door, he apparently opens a Bo Hines window, by which we mean God just flung another fucking blond idiot Aryan dumbfuck at us, right through an open window, which was a bit rude of God if you ask us.
Hines is running for Congress in North Carolina's 13th Congressional District, which is a gerrymandered-ass suburban/exurban thing between Raleigh/Durham and Greensboro/Winston-Salem. He is 27 years old and he says he is a "MAGA warrior." He is a former college football player. He is a trust fund baby moron who just graduated from law school in May.
He does not have the look of somebody who spent a lot of time waiting in God's line for brains. He appears to have recently thought that if you say America is becoming a "banana republic," you were talking about the store .
This local news report on Hines came out a little over a week ago, but it started going around Twitter last night, we guess because America only has the stomach for so much bugfuck each day, and it just wasn't ready to deal with Bo Hines's plan for abortion. (All these white MAGA boys with plans for abortion!) In fact, it started going viral when a North Carolina activist named Christina Reynolds decided to make sure we knew about it.
“Well, this is a new one. Bo Hines, running for House in NC, "wants victims of rape and incest to be allowed to get an abortion on a case-by-case basis through a community-level review process outside the jurisdiction of the federal government." https: //t.co/7fLXJ0S8xK”
— Christina Reynolds (@Christina Reynolds) 1667345138
Hines thinks abortion should be unlawful except in cases where a mother’s life is at risk. He wants victims of rape and incest to be allowed to get an abortion on a case-by-case basis through a community-level review process outside the jurisdiction of the federal government.
Holy shit, a "community-level review process." Did nobody think of this because of just how back-ass-ward-ly insane and cruel it was? And is he sure he meant to say he means this for victims of rape and incest ?
How does that work, young buck? Do they have to collect signatures from a certain number of their friends and neighbors? Must they put together a presentation for the board of aldermen? Is this what Dr. Oz meant when he said abortion should be between a pregnant person, their doctor, and their local community officials?
Do they have to go before the local Abortion Review Board to somehow prove to them — haha, we bet it will be made up of white conservative men who say they love Jesus! — that they are rape and incest victims?
And what lying asshole in Bo Hines's life told him as a child that he can do all things through Christ who strengthens him, which has led to us having to have this unfortunate conversation today?
The race is actually very competitive, and there is a nice Democratic man named Wiley Nickel who needs your support and your vote if you live there. (And 2,000 OF YOUR MULINGS IF YOU DON'T LIVE THERE! Ha ha, just kidding, Dinesh D'Souza, your whole career is a lie, go the fuck away.)
Nickel says it's unfair to call Bo Hines just some kind of Madison Cawthorn 2.0 dipshit, as that would be unfair to the original Madison Cawthorn:
“To call him a Madison Cawthorn clone is an insult to Madison Cawthorn,” he says. “He is much worse. He is just everything that’s wrong with our country wrapped up into a 27-year-old trust fund kid.”
So there you go. Give Wiley Nickel your money. We really have no desire to see what Mr. Bo's Community Abortion Board And Bake Sale Permitting Authority idea looks like in practice.
[ WRAL ]
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here!
Have you heard that Wonkette DOES NOT EXIST without your donations? Please hear it now, and if you have ever enjoyed a Wonkette article, throw us some bucks, or better yet, SUBSCRIBE!