Bobby Jindal Will Protect Straight Marriage The Bestest, He Can Be President Now? (Updated)
Gov. Bobby Jindal, you petulant little shit. You see, the Supreme Court spoke last week on the subject of marriage equality, and pretty much all the other states are in compliance, or on their way to getting around to doing that. Oh, there are some whiny-ass court clerks and probate judges with martyr complexes, stomping up and down about how they're going to have to resign their jobs, due to EW GAY, because their dumb fucked-up version of Christianity compels them to put their families at financial risk over them goldurn homosexuals gettin' hitched up proper.
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But Jindal is determined to exploit every last little loophole, to stave off the inevitable in the state of Louisiana, which, as we always like to remind Jindal, might not exist anymore if it weren't for gay tourism money. First he was like, "Oh no, we CAN'T possibly obey the Supreme Court, because the 5th Circuit (which is lower than SCOTUS, science fact) hasn't lifted its earlier stay on same-sex marriages!"
The 5th Circuit lifted the stay Wednesday.
And now Jindal is saying, "But this even lower court! IT HAS TO DO A THING TOO! Won't some court PLEASE grease my bigoted slut knob and stop the gays from throatcramming me with their happy marriages?" Ugh:
Gov. Bobby Jindal delayed -- for the second time -- the recognition of same-sex marriage by the Louisiana state government on Wednesday evening. [...]
But now that the lower appeals court confirmed Louisiana's same-sex marriage ban has been overturned, Jindal has decided Louisiana same-sex couples need to wait for yet another court's decision.
"Our agencies will follow the Louisiana Constitution until the District Court orders us otherwise," said Mike Reed, Jindal's spokesman in the governor's office.
The article points out that clerks in every parish in the state are issuing marriage licenses, save for one: Orleans Parish. You know, the one that has New Orleans in it. The one that would (likely) bring in the most bidness for the state, what with how most gays who live below the Mason-Dixon line view that city much as Muslims view Mecca.
But fine, Bobby Jindal. Drag this shit out for two or three more days, so you can be the one on the Republican Primary debate stage -- haha, if you make it there at all! -- who can say, "I protected opposite marriage the most days! I am president now?!?!"
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Because you ARE going to lose this battle, Gov. Jindal. You cried in the New York Times about how you were bigot, hear you roar, and that you were the only Republican tough enough to stand up to the gays. You ain't SHIT. You're just the last lonely bitch dying all alone on a really stupid hill.
UPDATE: Jindalhas officially lost his battle against Big Gay LOL.
Who would stage the most fake falls? Who would be the first to draw the red card?
In fairness, that was not an official portrait. It was created by a constituent and loaned to the governor's mansion. Also in fairness, if he wants to change his name from Piyush to Bobby, artists can change his skin color from Jindal to Saget.