Boehner, McConnell Bound, Gagged, Crawling To Democrats For Help, Punishment

Bourbon-swilling Republican Mitch McConnell has not been Senate majority leader for very long, but he has already learned an important lesson about how governing is kind of hard, actually. Who knew? Democrats had to tell him, four times, that they would not vote for a bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security that included a provision telling Barack Obama he is a terrible THE WORST president and cannot just run around issuing executive orders like all the other presidents, before he was like, "OK, fine, we'll do it your way."

Apparently, despite being a very S-L-O-W learner, McConnell is starting to catch on:  

Mitch McConnell is postponing a vote on the Senate’s Iran legislation in the face of an expected Democratic filibuster.

The Senate majority leader has decided to delay a Tuesday vote on legislation that would allow Congress to approve or reject any nuclear agreement that global powers reach to scale back Iran’s nuclear ambitions. He informed the Senate Republican Conference of the decision on Thursday afternoon following Senate Democrats’ decision to vote against advancing the bill before March 24.

In other words, even Mitch understands that it is a waste of time to force votes on bills Democrats refuse to support. So he's, sigh, putting the Republicans' dream of bossing President Obama around on negotiations over Iran's nuclear program on the back burner and moving on to something else -- anti-human-trafficking legislation -- that maybe, just maybe, Democrats will not laugh at and say, "Nope, not gonna happen!"

Meanwhile, in the House of Representatives, Speaker John Boehner is starting to realize he will owe his life, his first born, and ALL the booze to the Democrats. Boehner, who is an even slower learner than McConnell, was saved by the Democrats earlier this week from the nihilists in his own caucus, who were willing to shut down the government over the DHS funding bill.

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Since RINO Boehner caved and agreed to a clean funding bill, instead of jeopardizing national security to Make A Point, the teabaggers in the House want Boehner-flavored BLOOD! But huh, guess who's willing to ride in like a bunch of white nights and save his dumb ass from his own party? Hint:  It is not his own party! 

Tea Party Republicans contemplating a bid to oust Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio) shouldn't count on Democrats to help them unseat the Speaker.

And without their support, there is no chance to topple Boehner in this Congress.

A number of right-wing Republicans, long-wary of Boehner's commitment to GOP efforts attacking President Obama's policy priorities, have openly considered a coup in an attempt to transfer the gavel into more conservative hands.

This week, the rightwing lobbying group American Action Network, known as Boehner's super PAC, started running attack ads against conservatives for not just doing what Boehner told them to do, what jerks. And AAN is threatening to spend millions of dollars more to whip those conservatives into shape if they don't support the Republican leadership's agenda of, on occasion, trying to accomplish a thing or two, as if that is even their job. (Actually, it is. We checked.)

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It's not as if Democrats heart Boehner; they certainly don't because of how that guy is a major asshole. But they'd rather have a major asshole waving around the gavel than one of the even bigger major assholes in the House who is also certifiably INSANE and who doesn't realize that even if you hate the president a whole lot, that is not a good reason for shutting down the government.

"We can be suicidal," said Rep. Raúl Grijalva, "but not stupid." Now there's a good bumper sticker for the Democrats.

So just two months into his new role as leader, Sen. McConnell has already surrendered his big hopes and dreams of ramming through a wingnut agenda, and in the House, Boehner's holding on to his job for dear life, with only the Democrats to save him.

Hey, guys, how's your big plan to save America from evil Obama and the also evil Dems going so far?

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Oh, that's OK. You don't actually have to say it out loud. We already know the answer.

[ Politico / The Hill ]