Book-Banning, Anti-Vax, Homeschooling Bethany Mandel Running For School Board! It's Okay, She Is 'Democrat.'

All the other mommies hate you.

Maryland is a deep-blue state, but don’t let that fool you. We have our share of right-wing loons: anti-vax doctor Andy Harris; sentient mashed potato Larry Hogan (who voted for the corpse of Ronald Reagan in the last presidential election and now wants a spot in the US Senate); failed mayoral candidate and former stripper Kim Klacik, who sued Candice Owens for calling her a stripper, and lost. Add now to the assorted fruit loops Bethany Mandel, a home-schooler, book-banner, and anti-Disneyite who is running for a seat on the Montgomery County school board. As a Democrat, natch, because Republicans know full well their brand is garbage. Even Elon’s Twitter wasn’t having it, adding context:

Bethany Mandel has identified as a Republican numerous times on her personal Twitter account. Listing herself as Democrat here is likely an attempt to obscure her political beliefs to voters in a strongly Democratic electorate like Montgomery Co., MD.

Likely indeed! Probable, even! The Amazon blurb for her book, “Stolen Youth: How Radicals Are Erasing Innocence and Indoctrinating a Generation” (no Wonkette commission link, so sorry), breathlessly warns of the liberal war on children:

“The Left is waging an all-out battle on the American family, particularly the youngest members. If they can make our children miserable, lead them to question every building block of society, and rebuild their entire concept of reality, then the Left and their woke indoctrinators will consider that a victory. But we can't let them win.”

Are we sure she didn’t start homeschooling because the other mothers shunned her at carpool? Because that would be entirely believable and also a pathetic villain origin story.

If Mandel’s name rings a bell, it’s probably because she’s made her career being ughhh, so annoying in public, culminating in her inability to define “woke” on air despite building her entire personality around railing against it.

“There is a woke reimagining of our society that is very very very far left” Mandel huffed on The Hill’s YouTube show “Rising.”

“What does that mean to you, would you mind defining that?” host Briahna Joy Grey wondered, “because it’s come up a couple of times and I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

“So, I mean, woke is, uh, sort of, the idea that, um ... I … This is going to be one of those moments that goes viral…. Woke is something that’s very hard to define, and we’ve spent an entire chapter defining it,” Mandel babbled, panicking palpably. “It is sort of the understanding that we need to totally reimagine and, and, redo society in order to create hierarchies of oppression. Sorry, I … it’s hard to explain in a 15-second sound bite.”

“Take your time,” Gray purred, letting the Olympic-level cringe reach peak ass-puckering before co-host Robby Soave rode to the rescue with a “you know it when you see it.”

Not to let her fleeting moment of victimhood pass, Mandel quickly sold a piece to Newsweek, moaning, “I Was Asked to Define Woke. My Humiliation Went Viral.” It’s a masterpiece of martyrdom, and y’all with narcissistic parents know exactly what I’m talking about.

Mandel explains her inability to define the central topic of her grift as a mere case of the collywobbles. She was just so worried about protecting her family’s privacy that she word vomited on camera. Whomst among us?

Throughout the entire interview I felt a panic attack growing, but just tried to get through the duration of the appearance without an incident. As we talked, I was stammering and trying not to set traps for myself. I did not want to open up questions about my own personal life.

She continued by revealing more than you’d ever want to know about her personal life, such as how terrible everything has been for her since her leftist oppressors forced her to appear on YouTube to promote her book and made her get viraled, causing her to sob a lot, pain that was soothed only by the love of her husband and six children, who by the way are very hard to find childcare for, even though her husband works at home, and did she mention the last one was a home birth? 

“I'm not usually a crier. In fact, the last time I got a bit tearful was two months ago towards the end of my home birth, during the worst stage of labor called transition.” 

All of that, and she still doesn’t define “woke”! 

But that hasn’t stopped her from spinning her victimhood into a cottage complaining industry. Backed by Trump creep Stephen Miller’s America First Legal, she sued Montgomery County Public Schools for not allowing her into a crowded June 2023 school board meeting by claiming public safety reasons, where she had come to First Amendment a parental opt-out policy by reading aloud dirty books, and for blocking her from what she called an official public school Twitter account (though that might not have been an official account, just a couple of teachers, she’s not sure). She’s written thinkpieces for Fox Opinion, mostly about her personal life, such as “I'm a mom of 6 kids and TikTok 'married single moms' I've got a message for you: Yes, sometimes a spouse behaves badly in a marriage,” and “Parents fighting schools to protect their kids are heroes, not book-banners,” and “I'm a mom and Disney has me rethinking everything about it: I’m not open to Disney’s activism altering how my kids perceive the world, in direct conflict to what I’m trying to inculcate in my kids’ souls.”

Oh, did she mention yet that she was a mom? She’s a mom and she is the only mom who ever mommed. She mommed herself six times on the living room floor, she will continue to mom while her crying towel of a husband behaves badly, she will mom Mickey Mouse in his incisors. If she has to lie and say she’s a Democrat so she can out-mom all the other moms, well, somebody’s got to do the momming around here, and you epidural MoCo Disney public school moms are clearly not up to the task of momming your own momming! So buckle up, school board, because this minivan is ready to pull up! Seth Mandel can babysit his own kids, so she can babysit yours!

The school board, recently rocked by the scandal of having ignored truly gross sexual misconduct and bullying allegations against a middle-school principal, has three of seven seats open. The primary is May 14 and the general election November 5. Fortunately there are 13 other candidates, and some of them sound sane.

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