Brace Yourselves For Stupidity

It's your Pre-Republican presidential debate Sunday show rundown!

The first 2024 Republican presidential debate is Wednesday, and the candidates will battle it out in the final push to second place behind the (as of now) empty podium representing Donald Trump.

So let’s take a look at those who didn’t skip the Sunday shows to debate prep and get a preview!

Mike Pence’s Pre-Evisceration Appearance

Former vice president (and worst candidate starring in a reboot of "Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper") Mike Pence appeared on ABC’s “This Week” to bring that patented Pence charisma that makes you say, “Can I schedule a root canal on a Sunday?”

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After he was told that Mark Meadows DOES NOT want to co-sign Trump’s classified documents defense, Pence was asked by Jonathan Karl about his previous stance on a convicted felon holding political office.

KARL: […] I remember in 2002 you voted to expel James Traficant, not after he was accused, but after he was convicted of a felony on corruption charges. You and virtually every other member of the House voted to expel him, saying that it wasn't right to have a convicted felon as a member of Congress. Would you hold that same standard for the White House?

Now, if Pence had any political savvy and just a tiny bit of bravery, this would be the easiest way to take a stand while leaving yourself wiggle room on Trump. You could just say, “No one is above the law, Jon. And if my former running mate is convicted, then he shouldn’t serve. But we must let justice be done and he’s innocent until proven guilty.” (It’s scary how easy it is to cosplay as rightwing hack, by the way)

So, did Pence do that? Let’s see:

PENCE: […] But if you’re saying would I — would I apply that to my former running mate in this race, look, I — I think that needs to be left to the American people. Look, let’s — let’s — let’s let — have — the former president have his day in court. Let's maintain a presumption of innocence in — in this matter and in the other matter that, you know, unfolded this week here in Georgia.

So far so good …

PENCE: But – but, you know, it — I've said many times, Jon, I would have preferred that these matters be left to the judgment of the American people. I mean no one's above the law, but — but with regard to the president’s future […] we can really have a debate about the challenges facing the American people […] in the wake of the failed policies of the Biden administration.

Remember everyone: No one is above the law … except this one guy the Republican candidates can’t beat, and they are all scared shitless of. You know you are a morally bankrupt political party when you’re literally saying, “Yeah, he’s a potential convicted felon BUT we can’t vote for a Democrat. That’s insane!”

Pence then tried to see if he could lower expectations for himself pre-debate while still trying to make the case that he’s the most qualified.

PENCE: […] frankly, as Karen and I have traveled all across the country, that one of the things we’ve come to realize is that I’m well known, but I’m not known well. Most — most people know me as that — that loyal vice president who fought alongside President Trump until the day came that my oath to the Constitution required me to stand apart.

He made a reference to January 6th!! Take a drink!!! Everyone who knows Pence wouldn’t describe him as “that loyal vice president who fought alongside President Trump” but rather as that spineless sycophant who co-signed all his bullshit and led the disastrous Covid-19 pandemic response.

Oh, and the landing pad for flies.

An Early Vote By Any Other Name Would Count As Sweet

Republican National Committee Chair Ronna Romney McDaniel appeared on Fox News’ “Sunday Morning Futures With Maria Bartiromo.”

Normally, we don’t cover this show as Bartiromo is batshit insane and her show features the worst dregs of the MAGA Cinematic Universe. But we made an exception when we got a load of this innovative proposal from the RNC chair after Bartiromo described the wide chasm of support in fundraising between Republicans and Democrats.

MCDANIEL: So this is a huge initiative […] it’s called “Bank Your Vote.” […] What this is … is we’re trying to educate our voters and make sure they understand the importance of voting early. Get your vote “in the bank,” make sure that you vote early and then sign up to be a poll watcher. But it costs us less money when you “bank your vote” early because we are not chasing your vote until Election Day. […] This is just critical.

Vote early … what a novel idea!!! I wonder why is it that Republican voters didn’t do this before?

Oh, right, Trump and his stooges actively discouraged mail-in and early voting in the lead up to the 2020 Presidential elections!

Republicans in 18 states passed legislation that made mail-in voting harder in 2020 (during a pandemic!). On September 2020, The Washington Post cited more than 100 times that Trump himself had peddled lies and conspiracies about early voting. But after their mid-terms results were stunted and they lost another Senate race in Georgia, suddenly Republicans were once again embracing early voting. So now Ronna Romney McDaniel is trying to undo her party’s self-sabotaging fuck up and pretending it’s a new idea. Because Republicans hate early voting UNLESS it helps them, much like every other aspect of our country.

The only problem with this plan is that the main peddler of that bad strategy is the front-runner for the presidential nomination and McDaniel has no more control over his rhetoric than she has over his chances of appearing at the debate on Wednesday.

Have a week.