Brave, Totally Not Homophobic Oklahoma Senator Fights For Equality Of Straight Soldiers

Gays have it so easy, man. They can marry in 13 states, people - THIRTEEN! That's as many as were originally in America when Jesus walked across the Atlantic Ocean to found this nation! And they can serve openly in the military, no longer having to fear being outed as they risk their lives in bullshit wars that we fought 'cause of daddy issues. But it seems that the gays are never satisfied, and keep wrangling for special benefits because they are so privileged.

Well, one brave senator is sick and tired of all the special benefits that the LGBTQMORELETTERS community continue to get in America, and he is not going to take it anymore! Per ThinkProgress:  

Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-OK) blasted a proposed Pentagon policy aimed at giving same-sex couples the time to travel to states where they can legally marry on Thursday.

YES! Anger at the military for policies about teh gheys!! This is just the kind of outreach envisioned after a crushing 2012 electoral defeat where 95% of gays voted for that effeminate Obama character! Let’s gaysplore what has Inhofe’s panties in a totally-not-gay wad.

So the military is trying to find ways to integrate LGBT soldiers into their ranks in light of the Supreme Court overturning the Defense of Marriage Act. One way to make life a little more fair for gay soldiers is to allow special uncharged leave time to gay couples who need to travel to one of the 13 states (plus DC!) that allow gay marriage to have their unnatural, dick-in-the-eye-of-god marriage. THE HORROR!

And Inhofe is having none of this unfair treatment, no siree! In his strongly worded letter to Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, Inhofe writes:

Mr. Secretary, I firmly support the Department of Defense’s stated commitment to ensuring that all men and women who serve our country and their families should be treated fairly and equally. However, this change in policy will create disparate treatment between same-sex and opposite-sex couples in our armed forces contrary to the Department’s stated policy.

First off, Inhofe is a lying piece of rat shit. Inhofe has repeatedly done his best to ensure that there is not equal treatment of “all men and women who serve our country.” He voted against the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell because of his homophobic fear of “openly gay activity,” by which we can only assume he means Broadway shows on the decks of aircraft carriers and mandatory Buttsechs Tuesdays at all officer’s clubs, because "gay activity" consists mainly of buttsechs and Broadway plays, sometimes simultaneously.

Second, Inhofe has regularly sought to create “disparate treatment” between gay & straight Americans. He voted for DOMA and co-sponsored a Constitutional amendment to bar same-sex marriages. Don’t be fooled by his doublespeak folks – HE IS NOT AN ALLY.

We here at Wonket have a special place in our hearts for Inhofe. Usually he gives us fodder by being a climate change denier, or a giant dick about helping people hurt by natural disasters (unless they are in Oklahoma, then bring on the monies, bitchez! )

We are glad that he is branching out his dickatude to help protect the straight people in the military from the unfair, lavish treatment that the gays are getting.

And as ThinkProgress points out, one solution would be to legalize gay marriage in all 50 states, so that military folks wouldn’t have to travel to get married. We look forward to Inhofe’s Constitutional amendment to expand gay marriage everywhere, because he so hates disparate treatment of citizens, especially those willing to die for this country.

[ ThinkProgress / Mediaite ]