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Brian Fischer Explains Why God Made Women To Be Secretaries, Just Like In Bible Times
Hey, Ladies of Wonket! Hope you're all having a welcoming, nurturing, inviting day! It's really a beautiful miracle how God made you so well-suited for secretarial and receptionist duties, because those are pretty much the only jobs you should consider while you wait to find a husband to take care of you (or become a lonely bitter spinster with scores of cats). So now that we have that clear, let's see what American Patriarchy Association spokesdouche Bryan Fischer has to say about gender discrimination? Hmmm... Looks like he's for it. OK, that's all.
On his radio show Wednesday, Fischer was going over the arguments in the Big Slut Pills case, and he just does not buy the claim that anyone would ever use their religion as an excuse to discriminate on the basis of gender or to pay less than minimum wage, because those are totally different from the First Amendment's guarantee of the freedom to tell your employees that you do not approve of how they manage their fecundity. And then he went right ahead and explained that he does in fact think that the Bible opposes a minimum wage, and that it endorses paying men and women differently, but that is not important because "Nobody is suing on those grounds!” -- not that victims of discrimination haven't sued on those grounds, but that no Christian employers have sued for their right to discriminate Biblically in those areas. Yet.
But the real point he wants everyone to understand is that lawsuits or no, discriminating on the basis of gender is pretty darn awesome, and he's done it himself, and he'd do it again, because God:
And I’m going to tell you right now, I discriminated on the basis of gender when I was a pastor. I’m going to admit to you right now that I discriminated on the basis of gender.
When I went to hire a receptionist, when I went to hire a secretary, when I went to hire somebody who was going to answer the phones for a church, I wanted the most welcoming, inviting hospitable voice on our end of the line I could find. And I said, "Guys, don’t bother applying. I am discriminating on the basis of gender. Your males need not apply for this position."
Gutsy fella, isn't he? Just boldly going forth to embrace conventional wisdom like that. You see, the thing about women, he says , it that they are very specially made out of sugar and spice and Chemical X:
One of the things that God has built into women, I believe, is he’s designed them to be warm, to be hospitable, to be open-hearted, to be open-handed, to have their arms open, to be welcoming, to create a welcoming, nurturing, inviting environment.
And so you're darned tootin' he only hired women to be secretaries, and for very good reason:
So, I discriminated. I absolutely discriminated on the basis of gender. You want to come and sue me? Equal Opportunity Employment Commission, knock yourself out. I will be happy to admit in court that I discriminated against males. I discriminated on the basis of gender.
And of course, Fischer is also very aware of the broad exemptions from civil rights laws that are allowed to churches, so this is a pretty non-risky challenge. But hey, he sure sounds like he's just daring the Feds to come after him, so golly, he is brave. And for what it's worth, Raw Story notes that the two churches he's pastored, in Idaho and Arizona, never had a single woman in a leadership role -- another hiring decision that's not subject to EEOC enforcement.
Immediately following the broadcast, Fischer went to his bedroom, tore the tag off a mattress, and sneered "Come and get me, coppers!"
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. While he is agnostic on Secretarial Predestination, he knows in his heart he was not designed to be a typist.