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Bristol Palin Begs Legislators To Save America From Federal Tyranny
Bristol Palin needs a favor. Can you do this one little thing for her, America? Can you email a bunch of state legislators in Virginia to demand they support bills calling for a Convention of States to amend the Constitution? It’s such a small thing to do in order to thank Bristol for the hours upon hours upon hours of quality entertainment she and her family have provided our nation.
What is the Convention of States? It is an idea that takes as its basis Article V of the sacred Constitution, which states:
[O]n the application of the legislatures of two thirds of the several states, (Congress) shall call a convention for proposing amendments, which...shall be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of this Constitution, when ratified by the legislatures of three fourths of the several states, or by conventions in three fourths thereof....
This is actually a good mechanism for amending the Constitution, so long as the people proposing the amendments are not Birch Society descendants who have failed to make the country more radically conservative by every other mechanism provided by the legislative, executive, and judicial branches of the government (i.e., passing legislation with congressional majorities, convincing the revanchist Opus Dei members of the Supreme Court that reinstituting the inequalities studding American society in the eighteenth century will make America great again, and so on).
So for your average wingnut who sees the rest of the country’s population as a bunch of acquiescent sheep that have lain supine upon a pile of free healthcare while His Most Glorious Commandant Barack Obama has turned America into a collectivist paradise, the Convention of States is the last chance to rein in the federal government before it turns us into the United States of Denmark or Sweden or some other socialist hellhole. The idea has been floating around the wingnutosphere for some time and been seized on by such thoughtful luminaries as Glenn Beck, Mark Levin and George Will. So you know it’s good.
Now Sarah Palin and her daughter, the noted constitutional scholar, reality TV star, and the most wrongfully accused puncher since the authorities came to blame a man named Hurricane, are in on the act. It is very important that you listen to Bristle, patriots! She and her Grizzly Mama know what’s up!
My mom talked about how it’s important to support the Convention of States, because it will restrict the size of the federal government. You know, the federal government whose IRS has been illegally targeting Tea Party groups, the federal government which has been spying on us, the federal government which is drunk on its own power?
Drunk like a single mom raiding the stash of wine coolers in a rented Hummer limo!
That paragraph by Bristle’s ghostwriter is how you know this is a rightwing idea. No one seems to have considered that us leftists might have some amendments we would want to propose at an Article V convention. How about an amendment that bans all guns and mandates that hunters may only be armed with buck knives and their own cunning during deer season? An amendment that outlaws straight marriage and forces all men to marry Rick Santorum? An amendment that mandates the use of pot in all religious observances? An amendment establishing FEMA death camps for all GamerGate supporters? An amendment that requires Katie Pavlich to answer all the fan letters we keep sending her?
The number of amendments we could come up with that would actually grow the federal government is truly epic. Give Bristle and her mom some of your own ideas in the comments!