Bristol Palin Ringin' Those Bells To Warn Us The Chinese Are Coming

Too late, we are already dead

It would seem that in addition to being America's foremost expert on how to get knocked up by God without even trying, Bristol Palin has learned herself some stuff and things also too about foreign policy. Not only is she the only one in America who's bothering to worry about ISIS , but she is also quite very a lot alarmed about the Chinese Navy double-parked right off the coast of Alaska. (No word on whether Bristol's ghostblogger can actually see the five naval ships from Bristol's house, but it would be irresponsible not to make ALL THE JOKES KATIE about that.)

Bristol's quote from the BBC -- and yeah, we TOTALLY believe Bristol reads the BBC, uh huh, yup, you betcha -- sure sounds OOH SCARY:

Five Chinese naval ships are currently positioned in the Bering Sea off the coast of Alaska, US officials confirm.

But then, if you actually read all the words, before getting OUTRAGED! about how China is comin' right for us -- grab the guns, Mama, and load for moose!!! -- you find out that no one who is a real A Expert, instead of a teen mom reality TV star drunk-brawlin' twatbrain, is worried about this:

"We are aware of the five People's Liberation Army Navy (PLAN) ships in the Bering Sea. This is the first time we have observed PLAN ships in the Bering Sea," US defence department spokesman Bill Urban told the BBC on Wednesday.

"We respect the freedom of all nations to operate military vessels in international waters in accordance with international law," he said.

Yeah, but shouldn't we be at DEFCON 1 anyway?

Another official told the Wall Street Journal the defence department did not "characterise anything they're doing as threatening".

Oh, OK, so never mind, it's all good, China's just doing its perfectly legal water aerobics in international ocean parts of not-America, no big. Or maybe HUGE BIG, blogeth global strategic expert Tits Palin:

Of course, this is just a bit from where the President was grandstanding on his Alaska trip, where he was doing such noble work as… renaming Mt. McKinley ?

This just goes to show that the President does NOT have his eye on the ball. He spends so much time bowing to the gods of political correctness and placating our enemies that no one respects us anymore.

YEAH! If only President Obama weren't preoccupied with renaming mountains after Sarah Palin's Secret Service code name and getting jizzed on by fish , maybe he'd have the time to put his eye on the ball of the high-level national security memos Bristol "reads" in the BBC, and then he'd be able to protect Alaska from the Islamic State of China, like arealhalf-term leader should.

Thankfully, Bristol is willing to play the role of being like she is Paul Revere, like her mama taught her, ringing those bells and riding through town on her snowmobile, to send those warning shots and bells that the British, or the Chinese, whatever, are not gonna be takin' away our arms and we are going to be free, and we are going to be armed.

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We will say this for Bristol: We are thoroughly enjoying her deep insights into foreign policy and hope that Donald J. Trump will find a place for her in his Trump/Mama Grizzly administration. We figure she's at least qualified for Undersecretary of Not Knowing How Babby Is Formed, if not Secretary of Defense Also Too.

[ Bristol's "Blog" /BBC ]