Call Your Girlfriend: Tabs, Mon. March 30, 2026
Morning news roundup and things to read!
Woohoo, everybody have fun at their NO KINGS protests? BIGGEST IN HISTORY, with an estimated 8 million people who hate Dictator Day One Donald John Trump turning out on the streets to count the ways! These protests had everything: inflatables, paper maché puppets, signs, bullhorns, Bruce Springsteen, Bernie!
From here to there and near to far, people are furious. About the war with Iran, ICE, the treading upon of the snake, the pussgrabbing and shackling of Lady Liberty, take your pick, from coast to coast, and also in England, Ireland, Germany, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, Portugal, Spain, Sweden, Greece, France, Kenya, Australia, Ecuador, Mexico, Iceland … even up by the North Pole.
Can’t wait to go see what Dear Leader went and pounded about it all! … Aw, not one word. Low energy, sad. Maybe he and his handlers learned something after the last protest about the Streisand Effect following that AI poop plane? After a month now of war criming seems he’s still more preoccupied with trying to shitpost and bomb innocent civilians into some kind of pretend-victory in Iran. (Al Jazeera / WSJ)
Don’t forget the Russian invasion of Ukraine too, Europe hasn’t! EU foreign policy chief Kaja Kallas and Marco Rubio reportedly got into a shouting match at a G7 meeting about it. Barked Rubles, “We are doing the best we can to end the war. If you think you can do it better, go ahead. We will step aside,” as if there is any farther aside the US could possibly get. (Axios archive link)
Trump socialposted that Bill Putle is trying to go after Letitia James for a THIRD time. (NY Daily News Archive link)
Yep, that war-peration not going great. Boatloads with thousands of Marines have now floated their way into the Gulf region, the WSJ reports the number of ground troops could soon reach 17,000, and the Washington Post reports the War Dept. is planning for a ground operation lasting “weeks.” That pig sure has his foot in some pickle juice now, just like everybody predicted. (WSJ gift link / Washington Post gift link)
Posted by Iranian foreign embassies:
Meow, meow, meow, meow NYT: “Trump’s Ballroom Design Has Barely Been Scrutinized, Architects Say It Shows.” (New York Times)
Is anything the man has done not a failure?
Chuck Todd is gone? Apparently yes, he is literally Toddcasting now. Nearly forgot, because Kristen Welker is doing so much better at his former job. Anyway, sure, Brendan, nobody is talking about any of Trump’s failures now. You did it!
“RFK Jr. Gushes Over ‘Empath’ Trump in Wild Lovefest” (Daily Beast)
Hungary’s Viktor Orbán is taking AI information warfare to new, trippy extremes. (The Atlantic)
Julie K. Brown, the world’s leading Jeffrey Epstein expert, digs into the backstory of prison guard Tova Noel, the last person to see him alive. And New York Magazine’s Jessica Bennett and Katie Ryder have a masterful take on publicist Peggy Seigal. Writing teachers will appreciate their impeccable form as it balances the questions, can we forgive the Peggys of this story, and/or should we? (Julie K. Brown’s Substack / New York Magazine archive link)
A nice time! UNESCO has designated Medellín, Colombia as the 2027 World Book Capital, as it’s home to over 110 bookstores and 25 libraries, many of which were transformed from former prisons and police facilities. (UNESCO)
Is TMZ the new Teen Vogue?
Science corner: the OneZoom visual, searchable taxonomy map of all animal life on earth. (OneZoom)
Music: Call your girlfriend, a new Robyn album is out!
Fashion: Derek Guy declares it GardenCore season!
Your Substack payment didn’t go through this month? On the Wonkette website, click on your profile in the upper right hand corner. In the dropdown menu, click MANAGE SUBSCRIPTION (not “subscriptions”) and then scroll down to PAYMENT INFORMATION. Bam, you just got where you update your credit card! If you pay us through Paypal instead and you need assistance, email me at rebecca at wonkette dot com!
Thank you, we love you!
Your friend Callyson hipped us to Bookshop.org: the anti-Amazon, a certified B-corp partnering with local bookstores. Here’s our Bookshop affiliate link, when you buy books, we get a taste!
Rebecca’s going to be shilling this fundraiser all month. Support her girls’ Detroit public elementary school and buy some pizza (pizza). Little Caesar’s will ship the incredibly convenient pizza kits right to your home or that of a lucky friend, and they last forever in your freezer. (Pizza Pizza)
Download the continually updated Wonkette Spotify playlist, why not?
All Wonkette posts are free, always. Feel free to
Wonkette has NO PAYWALL, EVER, because how the hell are we supposed to fight disinformation when we won’t let people read us? If you are holding, and you are able, here is where you may make a one-time or recurring donation in any amount your heart desires. We love you!
This is the button for giving us all your extra money (ONLY IF IT IS EXTRA) but with Venmo.







A little warty frogfish to start your week. Hed gif info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/bumpy-baby
And here's your meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/08aa29e7-5cfd-49c3-a4d7-e0e9b14127ee
Ispent the morning back in hospital, it turns out that my ankle is actually broken in 3 places. So far the number of fractures seems to be increasing with every consultant I see.
The plan is to get me back into hospital on Friday for a swelling check, hopefully followed by surgery to put 2 pins and a plate into the breaks. The third fracture us small and may be able to be left alone, this will change if it is linked to ligament damage, in which case there will need to be another pin added. Thankfully, I have no plans to go through airport security any time soon.
The long and the short of it is that I definitely need surgery, and I will be off my feet and lying on the sofa all day and night for the next 6 weeks.