Horse Porn-Loving Trump Racist Wants Chris Collins's Sloppy Seconds

The New York 27th is suddenly looking a lot more blue.

While the rest of the world was trying to shake off whiskey hangovers, Chris Collins, who represents New York's 27th district in Congress and who was arrested last week for perhaps maybe doing a whole variety of crimes, including insider trading, posted a whiny butthurt statement to his Twitter account at 7: 00 in the goddamn morning Saturday announcing the suspension of his re-election campaign. He blamed "laser focused" Democrats and Nancy Pelosi for trying to soil his "good name" with "meritless charges" in their ongoing efforts to #IMPEACH Trump.

https: //t.co/a3N8tKFpuU

— Rep. Chris Collins (@Rep. Chris Collins) 1533996031.0 

The idea that Democrats are clever enough to ensnare Collins, his kid, AND his in-laws in an insider trading scandal sounds more like

 an episode of "Doctor Who" than your average white collar Republican fuckery. Collins was the largest shareholder in Innate Immunotherapeutics, an Australian biotech company, and had the balls to sit on its board while serving as a member of the House subcommittee responsible for regulating pharmaceutical companies. Collins is STILL wrapped up in anethics investigation over those shenanigans .

Congressional clairvoyants had Collins's district, the suburban New York 27th, painted redder than rejected Trump Steaks until the indictment. With the suspension of his re-election campaign, the state GOP is scrambling to yank his name off the ballot before November. Turns out that's not so easy! (Hit that link for more details.)

The TL;DR is that in order to Collins get off the ballot he has to run for a different office, move out of state, or die. As Collins is also the Independence Party candidate, election officials from Rochester to Buffalo should probably start stockpiling White Out and Sharpies.

In short, to get off ballot Collins is widely seen to have three options: —> Die, move to another state or run fo… https://t.co/ndDhLobQD0

— Shane Goldmacher (@Shane Goldmacher) 1533997342.0 

Republicans may have a already found a viable stand-in for Collins after the teabagging homophobic racist Carl Paladino tweeted he was "all in" for the 27th. Paladino, as HuffPo puts it, is basically Buffalo's proto-Trump, "loud, into real estate, conservative, and known for offending people." ( He. Is. Insane. ) Considering Collins was the first House member to endorse Trump, Paladino is perfect. (Did we mention he is cray? )

Paladino's history of scandals stretches back almost a decade. He was trounced by Andrew Cuomo during the 2010 gubernatorial race after WNYC got ahold of the "racist and sexually graphic" emails he'd been sending to his political and business colleagues. It also didn't help when he claimed Orthodox Jews tricked him into leasing two of his buildings as a gay club. As co-chair of the New York arm for Trump's 2016 presidential campaign, Paladino told a magazine he hoped Obama died and would be...

"buried in a cow pasture next to Valerie Jarret, [sic] who died weeks prior, after being convicted of sedition and treason, when a Jihady cell mate [sic] mistook her for being a nice person and decapitated her."

Last year local officials tried to remove Paladino from the local school board for saying he hoped Obama died of mad cow disease, but was ultimately removed by the state education commissioner for revealing confidential information about the state teachers collective bargaining contracts. In response, Paladino screamed that the schools were "rigged."

(Told you he is bugfuck nuts.)

Democrats are hoping Collins's ungraceful exit will open the floodgates for Democratic candidate Nate McMurray, the supervisor of Grand Island. Thus far McMurray has been considered a longshot, barely raising over $133,000 according to the most recent FEC reports. Even though McMurray has declined to take money from Super PACs, he has seen a flood of donations since Collins's indictment, potentially upending the race entirely. Over the last few days McMurray's campaign has bombarded social media with really charming campaign ads, some referencing old school Super Mario Brothers, and one even poking fun at his cash problem:

FINAL RETRO MAC VID OF THE MORNING. MESSAGE STAYS THE SAME: No party, boss, or media personality owns you. We are A… https://t.co/VFBcjxkrMM

— Nate McMurray for Congress (@Nate McMurray for Congress) 1534167564.0 

A Fulbright scholar and an huge nerd on Asian affairs, McMurray says he is running as a "centrist," but he has a rather progressive platform that includes marijuana legalization, "Medicare for All," managing the student loan crisis, as well as all the traditionally Democratic bona fides like supporting abortion rights, ending climate change, and supporting labor. Since he's a recognized authority on Asian businesses and culture, he's uniquely positioned to sound off on the creeping damage caused by Trump's trade war and tax cuts (for the super rich).

The 27th voted overwhelmingly for Trump back in 2016, but the tides are turning against even the most staunch conservatives less than three months out from election day. It's becoming impossible to make accurate predictions about even the safest House seats as Republicans can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

Plus, Trump's cascading failures and mounting legal troubles are only increasing the likelihood of a blue wave this November as swing voters realize swindled by yet another con artist.

 Donate to Nate McMurray! 

[ The Buffalo News / NYTimes / WaPo / Roll Call / HuffPo ]

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