Catholic Church Investigating New Threat To Humanity: The Girl Scouts

We wonder if there is anything the Catholic Church could be investigating besides the Girl Scouts of America? NO. There is NOT. Nothing at all, move along, move along! Yes, Mother Church is busy investigating whether it should ... well, not sure. Thunder from the pulpit about their evil ways? Discourage parish-based troops? Tell the quarter of scouts who are Catholic to jump in a lake ... of fire? All of those things, probably, and then some. But the US Conference of Catholic Bishops is very serious about this, like Joe McCarthy-heart-attack serious! Not just because they had that Planned Parenthood brochure that everybody fainted about, nope! Or because they let a little transgender girl join a troop because they are disgusting perverts! Sorry, but it is something WAY WORSE.

Critics contend that Girl Scouts materials shouldn't contain links to groups such as Doctors without Borders, the Sierra Club and Oxfam because they support family planning or emergency contraception.

Anything else, Church? SO MUCH ELSE!

Another complaint involved a Girl Scout blog suggesting that girls read an article about [Girl Scouts' CEO Anna Maria] Chavez — who is Catholic — in Marie Claire magazine. Critics said the blog's link led to a Marie Claire home page promoting, among other items, a sex advice article.

Heavens to Betsy! Glory Be! The fuck you say! In addition to associating with disgusting communists like Doctors Without Borders and godless hedonists like Marie Claire magazine, the Girl Scouts have been raising conservative hackles since the '70s, because Betty Friedan liked them. Also?

In 1993, Christian conservatives were outraged when the Girl Scouts formalized a policy allowing girls to substitute another word for "God" — such as Allah or Buddha — in the Girl Scout promise that reads: "On my honor, I will try to serve God and my country."

Also, some chick yanked her daughter out of the Scouts because it offered a patch honoring Dolores Huerta, a known Mexican.

She complains about some program materials adopted by the Girl Scouts in recent years. One example she gave: a patch honoring Hispanic labor organizer Dolores Huerta, whose shortcomings — in the eyes of some Catholics — include a 2007 award from Planned Parenthood.

And there you have it! The Girl Scouts of America are an abortion factory that loves Mexico and all those godless starving people in other countries, and the Catholic Church should divest itself of any aid or comfort posthaste and yesterday! It is called "priorities," and the Church has them, look it up! [ Yahoo ]