Charlie Kirk Coping Himself Raw Over Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce Engagement
'Now I can make that bitch submit!' thinks world's ugliest man, whom Taylor Swift has never heard of.
Hooray, the most important person has weighed in on the impending nuptials of Taylor Darlene Swift and Travis Darlene Kelce (not their real middle names, probably), which their parents cordially invite us all to, probably, we are sure it’s coming in the mail.
And that most important person, of course, is white nationalist misogynist Christian fascist stranger danger Charlie Kirk, whom Swift and Kelce have definitely heard of, you betcha.
Let us tell you, Charlie is coping hard.
You see, these types, the way they always told themselves they were above Taylor Swift was because they were traditionally heterosexually married (with all the consensual erect-penis-in-vagina sex we are sure that entails for Charlie!) and Taylor Swift had cats, therefore somehow obviously the billionaire with the incredible life was lonely and sad and bitter and resentful and beneath them.
Well now, Tay and Trav are joining that elite club that includes Charlie and his Barbie-cosplaying tradwife who we are sure said “I do” to him completely of her own volition, and not because she lost a radio contest, or because a wizard put a curse on her family that said “LOL you have to fuck the troll for 100 years before I even think of lifting the spell.” (That or she just got last pick in the Secret Santa, except instead of Secret Santas it was husbands and all the other men in the entire world were dead.) How on earth will Charlie Kirk make himself feel superior and MAN! now that Taylor Swift is going to literally have it all?
By making sure the bitch obeys is how! (Taylor Swift has never heard of Charlie Kirk.)
OK let’s make fun of the face that not even God could love. (Transcript via Media Matters.)
KIRK: One of the reasons why Taylor Swift has been so, just, kind of annoyingly liberal over the last couple of years is that she’s not yet married and she doesn’t have children. I say this non-sarcastically. I say this as a husband and a father.
This only annoys insecure white nationalist Christian misogynist men with nothing of value to offer anyone on earth, and it also doesn’t help that Charlie Kirk looks like God was having a stroke when He designed him. (Worth noting that Taylor Swift has most likely never heard of Charlie Kirk.)
KIRK: Having children changes you. Getting married changes you, and I hope that America’s biggest pop star marrying the pharmaceutical spokesperson ends up conservatizing them.
That’s a fantasy worthless white conservatives masturbate to. We hope it makes them feel better, but it isn’t reality. (Taylor Swift has never heard of Charlie Kirk, the white conservative angrily masturbating to fantasies of marriage “changing” Taylor Swift.)
It’s evidence, though, of how this is just coping for Charlie Kirk and his dead weight followers, the way he calls Travis Kelce, a very wealthy and handsome (and seemingly very nice!) football player, a “pharmaceutical salesman.” Har har! It is because white MAGA inbreds think the COVID vaccine is a punchline for a joke, and they think regular people who weren’t picked last for everything in life understand that joke! It’s like when these tumors call non-conservatives “cucks.” The joke only makes sense within your MAGA circle-jerk. Normal people just think you’re weird losers.
KIRK: Taylor Swift might deradicalize herself. She might come back down to reality. I want them to have lots of children. It teaches something about — teaches you something about yourself.
Cope cope cope cope cope. Before long we’re going to see Charlie’s “O” face, he’s really coping himself raw here.
KIRK: Taylor Swift might go from a cat lady to a JD Vance supporter …
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha WHAT? Is she gonna fuck a couch or sumpin’? Is she going to start hating herself? Is she going to start hating herself while fucking a couch, a move we all like to call the “Hillbilly Elegy”?
KIRK: and I think we should celebrate that.
Cope. (Taylor Swift has never heard of this strange man with the Picasso face talking.)
KIRK: I think that Taylor Swift having two or three children — she should have more children than she has houses. That is my challenge, Taylor Swift.
OK, well she’s got homes in Nashville, New York, Rhode Island, Beverly Hills, so by our count, that comes to “Who is this strange man whose face looks like indigestion feels, telling Taylor Swift how many children to have?”
Taylor Swift cannot hear you, Charlie Kirk.
KIRK: And I’m not being sarcastic. I think that if she ends up having children, she’ll stop this kind of liberal endorsing Joe Biden nonsense.
Because in Charlie’s fantasy world, where he is smart and desirable and a real manly man and nobody is laughing at what God and his parents’ awful genes did to his face, no liberals are parents, and certainly were not among the 81 million people who voted for Joe Biden. (MAN, we bet Tay and Trav’s kids will not look like Charlie Kirk, should they choose to breed.)
KIRK: And we want Taylor Swift on Team America.
Team MAGA Nazi pedo-enabler America?
KIRK: We want you to leave the island of the wokeys. And we would welcome you with open arms.
We’re sure she’ll come right over. We hear Turning Point USA conventions are just hotbeds of cool people and fucking. (Not much straight fucking, the rumors have it, but there’s that one right-wing feud happening involving a MAGA influencer lady getting allegedly fingered at the bar at a TPUSA summit and another MAGA influencer lady saying that all judgy like “You got fingered in the middle of a hotel lobby at a TPUSA event,” it’s all the talk of the town! Point is, cool place, total step up from being one of the most powerful and loved couples on planet earth.)
KIRK: One of the reasons why so many people on the right have been just skeptical or at least a little bit negative on Taylor Swift is, up until this point, that’s not a great role model for young women, to wait all the way until you’re 35 and just put your career first.
AKA something tens of millions of normal women do every day. (Millions of normal women have never heard of Charlie Kirk, and would cover their drinks if he walked into a room.)
KIRK: It’s a great chance for Taylor Swift now to get married and have a ton of children.
If that’s what she wants. (Taylor Swift has never heard of Charlie Kirk.)
KIRK: All kidding and sarcasm aside, this is something that I hope will make Taylor Swift more conservative.
Cope.
KIRK: Engage in reality more and get outside of the abstract clouds. Reject feminism. Submit to your husband, Taylor. You’re not in charge.
Oh no! Charlie’s dick is feeling little bitty at the mere thought of Taylor Swift not obeying her husband!
But alas, crooked-faced Charlie, Tay and Trav don’t have to have that kind of sick relationship. And how do we know that? Because Travis Kelce is a real man, and not a conservative white MAGA influencer pussy like Charlie Kirk, therefore Trav doesn’t need to rescue himself from the soul-killing feelings of inadequacy that come from looking in a mirror in the Kirk household, and he can just love and support his soon-to-be-wife, the wealthiest woman musical artist in history, a billionaire who literally changed the musical industry with her years-long boss bitch move to regain ownership of her music, and who changed national economies simply by announcing a weekend of concerts. And she can support him right back! Because she wants to.
KIRK: And most importantly, I can’t wait to go to a Taylor Kelce concert.
Cool, well, maybe Charlie’s tradwife can go in drag as that for Halloween, or rather for whatever loser Jesus “harvest festival” they hold at Charlie’s church instead of Halloween. Maybe that can be Charlie’s “concert.”
KIRK: I can’t say it without laughing. You’ve got to change your name. If not, you don’t really mean it.
She’ll do whatever she wants, with her husband, whose face doesn’t look like Charlie Kirk’s face, because God doesn’t hate him the way he hates Charlie Kirk.
Cope harder, little urinal cake. You’ll feel like a real man someday.
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“Having children changes you. Getting married changes you.”
I’m pretty certain Charlie Kirk was a worthless shitbag long before he got married and had children.
𝗜𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗲
𝗧𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗼𝘁,
𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝘂𝗿𝘆,
𝗦𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗶𝗳𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴...
~ Bill Shakespeare