Children's Pizza Mascot Herman Cain Knows More About Policy Than Obama

Americans tend to assume that the president of the United States knows more about policy than the average costumed Chuck E. Cheese character, but according to huggable "pizza magnate" Herman Cain, that is not so. "I try to be nice. This president, I don't think, can discuss any of the things that he says in speeches deeper than on the surface. I can go two and three deep on trying to help people understand where we're coming from, because I've been studying these issues for years." Years , folks. We should definitely make this guy president, because "I can go two and three deep on trying to help people understand where we're coming from" does sound like something that really smart people would say.

Also deep:

Cain spent some more time explaining his view of the war on terror—"we're going to be in this war forever" —and the Iraq War. "The people of Iraq, they wanted to become a democracy," he said. "If they did not want to become a democracy, I do not think President Bush forced it upon them. Once it was clear that they wanted to become a democracy, President Bush pledged to help them do that. I know enough from the reports that I've read that this is something the Iraqi people wanted."

"We want a democracy, but we don't want the parliament to ever be able to meet or function," the Iraqis said. "We are risking our lives saying this, but some pizza guy named Herman Cain needs to know." [ Slate ]