Chris Christie Denies Being Held Captive In Donald Trump's Sex Dungeon Of Shame

Is the bad man hurting you, Chris?

This is the moment Chris Christie's political career strapped on cement shoes and drowned itself in the river, never to be seen again:

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie on Thursday addressed those who mocked his stone-faced expression during a press conference on Super Tuesday.

"No, I wasn’t being held hostage," Christie said at a press conference in New Jersey.

We're going to file that clarification right along with Jeb Bush's campaign having to explain that Jeb tweeting a picture of a gun with his name on it was not a desperate, suicidal cry for help, though it's easy to see how so many could assume, jokingly (or maybe seriously!), that it was. Sad. Pathetic. Humiliating. Embarrassing. Disgraceful. Disgusting. Hilarious. And even sadder still.

Earlier this week, the New Hampshire Union Leader , which had endorsed Christie when he was still running for president instead of running to be Donald Trump's whatever-you-need-sir bottom, published an editorial saying boy, that sure was a mistake, and it regrets the error. Then everyone in New Jersey, including all of its liberal commie rag newspapers, demanded Christie resign to spend more time stuffing his face with nachos and vitamins. So Christie, who is still allegedly the governor of a state, held a press conference to further disgrace himself. What fun!

We don't know if we should take Christie at his word, though. Denying that he is Trump's hostage is exactly what Trump would force him to say if he were Trump's hostage, isn't it? Gov. Christie, if Trump is still keeping you ball-gagged in his classy dungeon, only allowing you into the light to appear on TV and say nice things about Trump -- like a good little submissive -- next time, blink twice and use the safe word. How about "salad"? If you say "salad," we'll definitely get the message.

[ TPM ]