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π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

OK, let's start it: You know you're too fat to be president when ...

...they have to lengthen the runway at Andrews?

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π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

To be fair, it's hard to diet when the furniture keeps vanishing into your event horizon.

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π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

All too true about fatism being right up there with sexism and racism ... but remember where you are: Wonkette, the home of snark for the sake of snark. Just as we're all for gay rights and dignity for gay people, yet we gleefully skewer Marcus and Lindsey, so it goes with Gov. Crisco.

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fuflans's avatar

i appreciate this and have my own sensitivities (i have a handicapped brother) but all i really need to know is you a very bright wit on these already witty threads.

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π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

I'm a lawyer, and I laugh at lawyer jokes -- although, admittedly, I wasn't born with the handicap.

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Lot_49's avatar

Meanwhile a wily Wasilla woman waits wearily, watching, wondering...

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Joshua Norton's avatar

Hillary couldn't testify because she had a concussion. Chris Christy usually isn't available because he has an ice cream headache.

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FeloniousMonk's avatar

I'd like to be <a href="http:\/\/songbook1.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/04\/maria-muldaur_74_waitress-in-a-donut-shop_1.jpg" target="_blank">a waitress in that donut shop</a>. Kinda like waiting on Mr. Creosote.

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π”…π”’π”’π”©π”·π”’π”Ÿπ”²π”Ÿπ”Ÿπ”ž's avatar

So when does Fucks Gnus vent their outrage at this ridiculous quack's diagnosis-in-the-absence-of-the-facts -- before or after Ablow's psychological evaluation of Obama?

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Zippy W. Pinhead's avatar

FULL HAZMAT SUIT

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Zippy W. Pinhead's avatar

once household objects start to orbit around you it may be time to reconsider that diet

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chascates's avatar

She'll have the last laugh when he gets a quadruple bypass. Actually, I'll be laughing when that happens.

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BarackMyWorld's avatar

I am not saying the office would kill him, but let's just say he had better have one hell of a VP vetting process if he is the nominee.

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Zippy W. Pinhead's avatar

Methinks that we just let Gov Porkchop keep talking. He'll piss away all that credit and goodwill he built up with the villagers by holding hands with the Muslin Usurper over hurricane Sandy long before 2016 rolls around. Long after the fickle undecideds have forgotten all about his momentary bout of sanity, they will come to realize that despite his attempts at bipartisanship he' still kind of a dick...

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Zippy W. Pinhead's avatar

it's the red suit- it's even more magical than Mormom underwear...

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