Chuck C. Johnson Sues Gawker For Defecation Defamation, May Also Have Banged Sheep

Ginger-haired ass boil Chuck C. Johnson is in the news again, and thank god for some comic relief. Late last week, the chubby-cheeked leprechaun filed suit against Gawker and two of its writers, J.K. Trotter and Greg Howard, over stories   published last December on Gawker and Deadspin profiling Johnson and his particular brand of “journalism.” Let us read the complaint and laugh together, again, at this terrible “human.”

Well sure, if you ignore the fact the Business Insider article Gawker writer J.K. Trotter linked to said that the Cochran campaign rebutted Johnson’s charges of paying someone to bribe African-Americans for their vote by noting that Johnson himself had paid his source. BI also linked to a story in Mississippi’s Clarion-Ledger in which the source himself walked back his claims while suggesting Johnson had “selectively edited” the original audio. Aside from that, no conclusions were drawn or evidence offered. Surprisingly, Johnson’s lawyer is not this guy. 

In other words, readers can post and read comments on Gawker stories, though these comments are moderated by Gawker staff. Allowing anonymous commenters on its stories! Scandalous! Good thing for Dr. Babby's college fund that Wonkette does not allow comments.

The commenters issue goes to the heart of Johnson’s complaint. Because commenters on those stories were the source of the infamous rumor that the gristle-brained poop goblin took a galactic-sized dump on the floor of his college dorm, plus another one claiming that he was once arrested for fucking a sheep. Johnson is upset by this, but we think you’ve gotta hear both sides!

Anyway, Johnson claims Gawker and its writers defamed him when they disseminated rumors by allowing commenters to write them in the first place, then engaged with the commenters to get more information. This is a novel legal argument, one that cites no case law to explain why a self-described gossip website should not allow its readers to gossip with each other. Presumably Johnson and his lawyer are saving that to wow the jury at trial.

The complaint goes on to claim these statements published by Trotter are “patently false.” Which brings to mind the possibility that Gawker’s lawyers could subpoena members of the San Bernardino Sheriff’s Office to testify in open court whether or not there is a file sealed away somewhere that contains the official record of a time when Chuck Johnson was arrested for fucking a sheep. Excuse us, ALLEGEDLY arrested for ALLEGEDLY fucking a sheep.

Somewhere in the afterlife, Walter Winchell breathes a sigh of relief that he never ran into the juggernaut for justice that is Chuck C. Johnson.

By the way, the Gawker stories make it damn clear that these are unsubstantiated rumors, and Greg Howard of Deadspin even concludes that Johnson should get the benefit of the doubt on the floor-pooping story. The ungenerous and reading-comprehension-challenged Johnson is obviously unmoved, demanding a total of -- let’s see, carry the one -- $72 million from Trotter, Howard, and Gawker. But his lawyer says they will “settle” for a recovery of $20 million. Boy, is he going to be disappointed when he gets nothing.

Johnson’s lawyer, by the way, is one John C. Burns, a Tea Party activist who has been involved with a couple of James O’Keefe’s pranks, so you know he’s credible. Burns was Johnson’s lawyer when he tried to pry Michael Brown’s juvenile records loose from the St. Louis County courts last summer in a blatant attempt at character assassination of a dead guy. Since the red-headed smegma canoe was permanently banned from Twitter last month over some threatening tweets, Burns has been trying to get him reinstated. Like other conservatives, the dude likes lost causes.

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Thanks to Johnson for providing us with some laughs before the general wingnut reaction to the Charleston shooting buried the needle on our blood pressure cuff. Read the complaint yourselves below if you have a few minutes and have given up on life. We’ll keep you posted on the further legal maneuverings of this ALLEGED floor-shitting sheep fucker.

[ St. Louis Post-Dispatch ]