A couple of fantastic stories this weekend reported on the so-called INTERNAL CONFLAGRATION erupting between McCain loyalists, Palin loyalists and imported Bush slaves currently working for the "McCain-Palin ticket." Most of it focused on Palin, with several advisers saying she's "going rogue" by randomly walking over to reporters during events and saying "Ask me hard questions, friends!" as campaign handlers haplessly shout "NO NO NO JESUS DAMN WHAT IS THE IDIOT DOING?" on their walkie-talkies. Palin, these "insider sources" suggest, knows McCain will lose everything always, and she is trying to salvage her "reputation" for what is sure to be a hilarious two-week-long aborted Disney campaign in 2012. So of course the people leaking this information are secret loyalists to everyone's favorite personified tumor, Mittens "Willard" Romney CLXXXVI.