Conservative Buys Toilet
Some Conservative guy went to Japan, where he had an out-of-body experience/found Jesus because man, the Japanese make a "mean toilet"! He bought himself one of these miracle machines immediately, of course:
So, my beloved Japanese toilet now finds itself ensconced in my bathroom — look, this is going to get personal, okay? — near my shower, which sports a sunflower-sized showerhead, which rains buckets and buckets of soothing water onto the bather, the entire room lit by hot-burning incandescent bulbs with 100 watts apiece of wake-up brightness.
My bathroom, in other words — which to me represents the pinnacle of easy livin’, the perfect intersection of raw technological innovation and empathetic human understanding — is an environmentalist’s nightmare. My dazzling and profuse showerhead, which turns a morning ritual into a moment of Zen, and my complex, computer-chipped, nozzled toilet, and the bright bulbs that give it all a clarity and visual snap — all of them are in the crosshairs of the eco-police. All of them are doomed.
Why won't the Ecoterrorists leave this man's Japanese toilet alone?
Time for an Inconvenient Poop.
Actually the funniest bit of this dude's rant? No Real Merkin average Joe Shitpack teabagger is able to afford to import his own specialized magic number-two-time terlet throne.
But hey, if you're a conservatard trooper, you are compelled to fight for the right of tubby authordudes to have the most comfortable poopies ever. Just as the founding fathers intended!