Conservatives Thrilled 'SpongeBob Squarepants' No Longer A Sissy Welfare Mooch

Take a few moments out of your busy day surfing the internets and watch that SpongeBob promo above. Bear with us. This is going somewhere.

So you checked it out, right, and maybe what you saw was pretty much a critique of the nonsense of job creators, as SpongeBob's boss fires him mid-shift because it will save him a nickel and because you're for some reason unable to watch children's cartoons without deciding there's an overt political message. SPOILER ALERT: Later in the show, after a period of unemployment, SpongeBob straightens up and flies right and learns to look for another job and looks here like he finds another job because his burger-making skills are in demand. What do you do if you're a conservative and you'll grasp at any shred of cultural relevance because otherwise all you've got is Ted Nugent? You say SpongeBob is your new conservahero! 

If you're Breitbart, you declare that SpongeBob is a veritable parable for the virtues of self-sufficiency is thumbing its spongy soft nose at the welfare state. If you're the New York Post, you smugble about how even though he's depressed, he goes and finds any job that will have him. Let's take a moment to talk about how that still presumes there are ANY jobs to be had, which is not necessarily the case in the real world and then let's stop doing that because we are now over-analyzing the adventures of a goddamn cartoon sponge.

[Malware at Happy; Link blocked for now]