How was your Fourth of July? Did you celebrate 'Merica? Maybe you attended a small-town parade, because those are always a testament to joy and open-mindedness. You probably wish you'd gone to this cool parade in Norfolk, Nebraska, that featured an "Obama Presidential Library" float where the "library" was an outhouse, because that is some quality humor.
While I know Princess SP is really best at this sort of "what if" thing, I will start my own librul parade float ideas:
- Salute to Slut Pills: A line-up of animatronic young ladies with hands out, in line at the pharmacy counter, with the line automated such that after the pharmacist hands out the pills, the queue meanders behind the closed doors of dorm rooms and vehicles with "if this van's a-rockin' don't come a-knockin'" bumper stickers. Float riders could toss condoms into the crowd.
- We're Here, We're Queer: Obv's something festooned with glitter, and even if thong-clad hotties aren't allowed, bible-thumping self-loathers could still peek furtively out of closets before quickly re-hiding themselves and then popping out another door to denounce the gay lifestyle. Special guest appearances by Marcus Bachmann and Miss Lindsey.
- FEMA Campers: This float features a magical socialist paradise where everyone is always happy and all of your children are "Agenda 21'ed" into Stepford-wife style compliance.
- The End of the 2nd Amendment: Guns are tossed into wood chippers while the shredded remains are tossed gleefully on parade watchers.
- The Triumph of Atheists: A panapoly of dramatic vignettes where Christian rights are offended. School teachers will forbid little blonde girls from praying at their desks, employers will be forced to employ women on birth control, a group of swarthy men will reenact building a mosque on some sacred ground or another, etc, etc.
I&#039;m enjoying this new &quot;libruls/Obummer is so stupid&quot; meme they&#039;re pushing ... as if conservatives can call <i>anyone</i> stupid. They don&#039;t even get to pay $10 at the circus to go to the &quot;stupidest motherfucker on the planet&quot; tent and call <i>that</i> motherfucker stupid.
I think next year, we could save some money on the float by simply marching in the parade carrying a banner that reads, &quot;Not all stupid people are racists, but all racists are stupid people.&quot;
&quot;If we start saying no to certain floats, we might as well not have a parade at all.&rdquo;
I&#039;m sure they&#039;ll keep saying that when the good Islamic folks from the mosque that didn&#039;t get built in Tennessee ask to join the fun next year!
Thank you for your comments on this. I wouldn&#039;t be surprised to learn that a pretty fair majority of the onlookers were at least slightly offended, whatever their opinion of Obama might be. I have a pretty good continuing hatred for W, but if I saw a clumsy satirical float (let&#039;s say, involving a chimpanzee) about him, IN A FOURTH OF JULY PARADE, I would at least get &quot;pretty quiet&quot;. Although it would hurt, I would probably complain about it.
Rick Konopasek is weak on the concept of appropriateness to the situation. Also, full of shit.
Clearly the float artists need to study their T S Eliot to learn about objective correlatives and other principles of metaphor, simile, metonymy and synechdoche.
Or perhaps they could familiarize themselves with the work of symbolist poets such as Baudelaire, Mallarme and Rimbaud.
Wasn&#039;t this stuff covered in the home-school version of literature? Or did Mom tell you it wouldn&#039;t be on the test?
<em>&ldquo;This was political satire. If we start saying no to certain floats, we might as well not have a parade at all.&rdquo;</em>
Well, that there&#039;s a persuasive argument. If one has the IQ of mayonnaise.
There are ways of being patriotic without being assholes. Maybe some folks in Norfolk should explore those options. Either that or I should buy up stock in rotten tomatoes for next year&#039;s parade.
&quot;objective correlatives and other principles of metaphor, simile, metonymy and synechdoche.&quot;
Aren&#039;t they stops on the same train line that goes to Poughkeepsie and Schenectady?
7. Thou shalt not worship at the altars of false fishing lures but shall only worship the one true bait, dynamite.
While I know Princess SP is really best at this sort of &quot;what if&quot; thing, I will start my own librul parade float ideas:
- Salute to Slut Pills: A line-up of animatronic young ladies with hands out, in line at the pharmacy counter, with the line automated such that after the pharmacist hands out the pills, the queue meanders behind the closed doors of dorm rooms and vehicles with &quot;if this van&#039;s a-rockin&#039; don&#039;t come a-knockin&#039;&quot; bumper stickers. Float riders could toss condoms into the crowd.
- We&#039;re Here, We&#039;re Queer: Obv&#039;s something festooned with glitter, and even if thong-clad hotties aren&#039;t allowed, bible-thumping self-loathers could still peek furtively out of closets before quickly re-hiding themselves and then popping out another door to denounce the gay lifestyle. Special guest appearances by Marcus Bachmann and Miss Lindsey.
- FEMA Campers: This float features a magical socialist paradise where everyone is always happy and all of your children are &quot;Agenda 21&#039;ed&quot; into Stepford-wife style compliance.
- The End of the 2nd Amendment: Guns are tossed into wood chippers while the shredded remains are tossed gleefully on parade watchers.
- The Triumph of Atheists: A panapoly of dramatic vignettes where Christian rights are offended. School teachers will forbid little blonde girls from praying at their desks, employers will be forced to employ women on birth control, a group of swarthy men will reenact building a mosque on some sacred ground or another, etc, etc.
Fuck these farm welfare shit fer brains. The folks in Norfolk and all of Madison County sure enjoy sucking on that USDA farm subsidy titty. I guess they can&#039;t stand on their own two feet. <a href="http://farm.ewg.org/top_rec..." target="_blank">" rel="nofollow noopener" title="http://farm.ewg.org/top_recips.php?fips=31119&amp...">http://farm.ewg.org/top_rec...
I&#039;m enjoying this new &quot;libruls/Obummer is so stupid&quot; meme they&#039;re pushing ... as if conservatives can call <i>anyone</i> stupid. They don&#039;t even get to pay $10 at the circus to go to the &quot;stupidest motherfucker on the planet&quot; tent and call <i>that</i> motherfucker stupid.
I think next year, we could save some money on the float by simply marching in the parade carrying a banner that reads, &quot;Not all stupid people are racists, but all racists are stupid people.&quot;
I do believe that the Abortionplex needs to send a float next year.
They&#039;re not sure about the fancy spelling, they think it should be Rambo.
&quot;If we start saying no to certain floats, we might as well not have a parade at all.&rdquo;
I&#039;m sure they&#039;ll keep saying that when the good Islamic folks from the mosque that didn&#039;t get built in Tennessee ask to join the fun next year!
&quot;it was his statement against the problems with the VA.&quot;
Oh, now the &quot;Obama Presidential Library&quot; makes perfect sense.
Thank you for your comments on this. I wouldn&#039;t be surprised to learn that a pretty fair majority of the onlookers were at least slightly offended, whatever their opinion of Obama might be. I have a pretty good continuing hatred for W, but if I saw a clumsy satirical float (let&#039;s say, involving a chimpanzee) about him, IN A FOURTH OF JULY PARADE, I would at least get &quot;pretty quiet&quot;. Although it would hurt, I would probably complain about it.
Rick Konopasek is weak on the concept of appropriateness to the situation. Also, full of shit.
Edit: Please keep up the good work.
thinks those dumb fucks would benefit from spending some time in a real library.
Didn&#039;t someone already do this joke last year?
Edit: It was 2012. <a href="http:\/\/www.mediaite.com\/online\/montana-gop-convention-features-obama-presidential-library-outhouse-with-fake-bullet-holes\/" target="_blank">" rel="nofollow noopener" title="http://www.mediaite.com/online/montana-gop-conven...">http://www.mediaite.com/onl...
Clearly the float artists need to study their T S Eliot to learn about objective correlatives and other principles of metaphor, simile, metonymy and synechdoche.
Or perhaps they could familiarize themselves with the work of symbolist poets such as Baudelaire, Mallarme and Rimbaud.
Wasn&#039;t this stuff covered in the home-school version of literature? Or did Mom tell you it wouldn&#039;t be on the test?
<em>&ldquo;This was political satire. If we start saying no to certain floats, we might as well not have a parade at all.&rdquo;</em>
Well, that there&#039;s a persuasive argument. If one has the IQ of mayonnaise.
There are ways of being patriotic without being assholes. Maybe some folks in Norfolk should explore those options. Either that or I should buy up stock in rotten tomatoes for next year&#039;s parade.
This that &quot;community standards&quot; thing Justice Brennan eventually came to kick himself for starting.