Could Democrats Pass Ukraine Funding And Save Mike Johnson From Marjorie Taylor Greene With Just One Hilarious Trick?
It's not ideal, but it might be really funny.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has filed a new motion to vacate to fire weak and failing Christian extremist Speaker Mike Johnson from his brand new job, so that’s hilarious. In this Republican majority that keeps getting smaller by the day, the legislative Crossfit terrorist from Cowfucker Acres, Georgia, might end up with one major accomplishment, and that’s making Democrat Hakeem Jeffries the next speaker. (She says she won’t take the blame if that happens. She clearly wasn’t raised well enough. Politico is full of juicy quotes from Republicans who hate her, by the way, if you’re into that sort of thing.)
Where, oh where is Mike Johnson’s God now? Ha ha, maybe his God is on the Democratic side of the aisle, ready to help him keep his speakership in exchange for one little tiny thing, can you guess what it is, IT’S UKRAINE AID, MOTHERFUCKER, THAT’S WHAT IT IS.
Is that a deal with God Mike Johnson would make, if he only could?
Or is he only into the types of deals with God that involve putting nanny software on your phone to alert your teenage son if Daddy falls off the boner wagon and looks at porn?
(Will Wonkette ever write a post about Mike Johnson without finding a way to bring that up early and often? No.)
But yes, anyway, Ukraine!
The Hill reports this morning that a certain cohort of Democrats has exactly that kind of deal in mind. Save Johnson from the nihilistic, Putin-loving MAGA lunatics in his caucus — specifically Greene, if and when she forces her motion to vacate to a vote — if and only if he puts Ukraine aid on the floor for a vote, namely the package the Senate passed one million years or a month ago.
“If the choice is between Ukraine aid and providing a vote to stop a motion to vacate, or no Ukraine aid, I think there’s a lot of Democrats who would be willing to assist in getting it done,” Rep. Jim Himes (D-Conn.) said Wednesday by phone.
Himes was reportedly clear that he’ll do what leadership wants, and Jeffries hasn’t said yea or nay to this idea yet. “We’re very conscious that we’re not going to freelance in such a way as to put Leader Jeffries in a bind,” he told The Hill. (Look, Mike Johnson! That’s what it looks like when a leader has respect from his caucus!)
But Himes also said he thinks it’s pretty much the best way to get it done, noting that other strategies for going around Republican leadership to get Ukraine aid through haven’t quite garnered the support they’d need (from quote-unquote “reasonable” Republicans) to pass.
Oh boy, Himes is spilling tea:
“For whatever reason, the 20 Republicans that I heard take blood oaths in Munich about … how we must do absolutely everything to get Ukraine aid passed — it turned out that ‘absolutely everything’ didn’t include signing a discharge petition,” [he said].
Well then! Oh wait he’s not done.
“So given the fact that ‘absolutely everything’ for lots of Republicans doesn’t include taking the massive political risk of signing a discharge petition — which nobody’s ever heard of half a mile away from the Capitol dome — I think that the Speaker putting the bill on the floor, and our insulating him from the tender mercies of Marjorie Taylor Greene, is probably the only option.”
Using their evil powers for the greater good — getting billions in aid to Ukraine AND teaching Marjorie Taylor Greene a lesson about how little she matters? We can get behind that kind of Democrattin’!
Your new boyfriend Jared Moskowitz is on board, maybe:
[Moskowitz said] he will not support Greene’s motion to vacate under any circumstances — “I will never side with Marjorie Taylor Greene ever. I will never turn the People’s House over to her” — but if another member tries to remove Johnson, he would be inclined to protect the Speaker if the ouster was prompted by moving aid for Ukraine.
“If you’re telling me Speaker Johnson comes out with a bill that’s going to stand by Ukraine and Israel, do humanitarian aid for … Palestinians in Gaza, and then there’s a motion to vacate him over that, no, I’m not gonna support that,” he added.
The Hill also has recent quotes from Adam Smith, ranking member on the House Foreign Affairs Committee, and Eric Swalwell on the subject, with Swalwell saying MTG’s latest stunt “may provide the best shot at getting needed aid to Ukraine.”
Meanwhile, the Washington Post references a quote a few days ago from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who said on CNN’s “State of the Union” that “For any Democrat inclined [to help Johnson], I don’t think we do that for free.”
Wouldn’t that just be hilarious? If Democrats helping Mike Johnson outmaneuver that stupidass MTG ended up being the One Weird Trick that got Ukraine the aid it needs?
Himes seems confident there would be enough Democrats to step up in such a scenario. “My own guess would be — how many members are there of Marjorie Taylor Greene’s merry band? Fifteen? Twenty? We could easily provide that number in a motion to vacate.”
Guess it’s up to Mike Johnson, who swears he’s going to put some kind of Ukraine aid on the floor when the House is back in session in April. Does he want to do the right thing, or does he want to beg Marjorie Taylor Greene to keep kicking him in the dick?
If that’s his kink, we won’t judge, but it might set off the porn alarm on his son’s phone.
(Ha ha, did it again!)
[The Hill]
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I'm really kinda hoping for a whole wig-snatch fight on the house floor betwixt Marge and Mikey.
Rep. Tim Burchett: "Marjorie is playing chess, not checkers. She’s looking at the long game, and she’s holding all the cards on this one.”
Well, buddy, whatever game she's playing, you better hope she's better at it than you are at metaphors.