County Board Candidate Pretty Sure God Said The Poor Should Be Homeless And Totally Sure You Will Burn In Hell

You know what is really missing in county board races? More barmy religious yelling jibber jabber about everything. Teachers unions, the Revolutionary War, public housing, you name it! Make sure you let the world know that anything you oppose is sinful in the eyes of the Lord and don't forget to send a letter to the archbishop of New York City, Timothy Dolan, even though you live in, and are running for office in, Arlington, Virginia, because Cardinal Dolan needs to know about the horrific sin of public housing that is about to be committed in Arlington. Yes, Independent Arlington County Board Candidate Stephen W.C. Holbrook is mad as hell and he doesn't care who knows it and also too you are all going to hell if you don't vote for him.

So there was an interfaith forum so that the four candidates for this county board seat could share their feels about some proposed affordable housing and oh sweet Jesus Mr. Holbrook does not like public housing and neither does God. Let's take a gander at the email he sent to Cardinal Dolan. Please note that all RANDOM CAPITALIZATION is always FROM Mr. HOLBROOK.

“GOD’S house is a place to talk to your GOD and not a place to gather people to form a plan to lay out how you will steal from other people,” Holbrook wrote. “I am a Catholic and that meeting in that church was the first time I ever went into a church and came out feeling dirty and that there was evil in that church. I thought that God was going to send down a lighting bolt unto those church leaders and their people and I didn’t want to be around them.”

“It took me two days and several baths to get the smell of greed and sin off of me but the other people there will go to hell for what they do and their church leaders are to blame,” Holbrook continued.

We are sure that Cardinal Dolan will be responding to this ASAP because if there's anything the Catholic Church is deeply opposed to, it is public housing. It's right there in the Eleventieth Letter of Paul to Atlantis that thou shall never feed or clothe or house the least among you. Man, Holbrook must hate Pope Francis so goddamn much.

Cardinal Dolan also probably needs to know that anyone who votes for Holbrook's opponents will burn in hell. Dolan should probably get a prayer chain going about that. Do Catholics do prayer chains? We do not know!

Asked by ARLnow.com to clarify his remarks, Holbrook suggested that those who vote for his three opponents – who support the creation of additional affordable housing — will be guity of theft by association.

“The voters that will go to HELL are the ones that trade their vote for stolen assets and those assets did belong to a person and or group of people that collectively did not want those assets given away,” he said via email. “GOD gave us all the TEN COMMANDMENTS. One of those Commandments was ‘Thou shall not steal.’ When you take assets for example from a group of people that did not want to give those assets away… [those] who gave their votes for them are just as guilty for receiving those stolen assets as the person that stole those assets.”

Odds on whether or not this guy is also one of those guys that has declared himself a sovereign citizen and refuses to pay taxes?

Please do not forget that if you like teachers' unions or public schools you are also a tool of the devil.

“The teachers’ union has already bitten the forbidden apple by showing their willingness to take unearned taxpayers’ assets for their vote for the Democratic candidate here and they will burn in Hell for their sinful deeds,” he writes.

We don't wish ill on the citizens of Arlington County, but man, think of how much material we'd have if this guy gets into office. We don't know whether to root for him or against him. We'll pray on it.

[ ARLnow ]