14 Comments

Not infinite: 3.5 million of them.

Expand full comment

I'm hoping Shrivel's ardent sympathizers on the right will start a Kickstarter campaign to raise the $3.5 million for him (like they did for George Zimmerman). Can we suggest this good idea to them?

Expand full comment

Canadian BLOWUP GIRLFRIENDS don't count.

Expand full comment

Or "SHE'S MY <i>NIECE</i> AND I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU'RE IMPLYING, BUD."

Expand full comment

Strolling hand-in-hand through downtown Ann Arbor. Sharing a blanket in Michigan Stadium...

Expand full comment

Or Keith Ablow me.

Expand full comment

A penguin?

Expand full comment

<i>...made references to his “GIRLFRIEND” in all-caps on his Twitter feed, which is something all straight people do...</i>

Married straight men prefer "ONLY A FRIEND" or "JUST SOMEONE I KNOW FROM WORK"

Expand full comment

It's sad to see how far Pee Wee Herman has fallen.

Expand full comment

Were any rabbits hurt?

Expand full comment

Well, I hope he gets a new job soon. How else is he gonna pay off that HYOOGE judgment against him for being Creepy McCreeperson?

Expand full comment

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."*

*and not one out of an infinite number of salted rat dicks. In a bag somewhere. That he can eat.

Expand full comment

Wow. Did Shirvell boil that poor gay kid's pet rabbit, too?

Expand full comment

Oh come on! Isn't it bad enough for this poor guy? Do you have to make fun of him as well? He really does have a GIRLFRIEND! It's just that she's from CANADA so it's hard for HER to meet his friends. However, when they get together they totally have STRAIGHT SEX all the time and he gets to touch her BREASTS and VAGINA and everything.

Expand full comment