Daily Caller Shocker: Carpetbagging Cory Booker Does Not Even Live In Newark Maybe, Conspiracy Goes All The Way To The Top

Tucker Carlson's Daily Caller, everyone's favorite home for racists who can't read good and stuff, has quite the little scoopty scoop, and that is that Cory Booker, who is a better human being than you, is NOT a better human being than you, because of how he is LYING about living in Newark, according to these "neighbors" who have coincidentally been interviewed bitching about Cory Booker in every Daily Caller story about Cory Booker since Cory Booker became a thing, but do NOT call them "anti-Cory Booker activists," they are NEIGHBORS, the Daily Caller SAYS SO. (Also, one neighbor "James Sharp" does not seem to care for Cory Booker. Isn't that weird, since the DemocRAT Machine candidate Booker famously defeated was named "Sharpe James"? That is weird right? The Daily Caller would never try to pull one over on us, would they? DON'T BE RIDICULOSE, OF COURSE THEY WOULD.)

So the Daily Caller has this scoop, where they go around and look in Cory Booker's windows and declare the home vacant. And then they are all Zoolander male model style, "AHA! He says he lives here but property records show that it is owned by some lady!" And then Buzzfeed is all, "Earth to Daily Caller, that lady was the landlady and here are some rent checks, and also possibly go to this other home in Newark Cory Booker moved to in late September!" and the Booker campaign was all "orange mocha frappuccino!" And now it is a big spitty mess because the Buzzfeed story declared the neighbors who said Cory Booker didn't even live there to be "anti-Booker activists" and got one of their names wrong, and then the Daily Caller was all, "AHA Earth to Buzzfeed nice reporting!" and Buzzfeed was all, "Oh okay, here is a correction on the lady's name," and the moral of the story is Cory Booker is the worst human being since Josef Mengele gave birth to Nazi Barack Obama. Except for this. Be ready you guys. Are you sitting down?

In the story "Newark Activists Say Booker Fire Rescue Story All Wet," which we happened to follow straight from that first one about how Cory Booker is a carpetbagger who lies about his residency and apparently lives in New York, the activist neighbors believe based on no firsthand information whatsoever, it turns out, and you are not going to believe this, a) Cory Booker did not evenrescue that lady from that fire, and b) and this is the terrible part, really, be ready, b)

On Twitter, Booker claims credit as a local Mr. Fixit, with stories that rarely stand up to scrutiny. (Related:  Cory Booker breaks promise to help woman with raccoon infestation) 

Let's read that again, to help you get past the shock of it.

Cory Booker breaks promise to help woman with raccoon infestation.

Cory Booker breaks promise to help woman with raccoon infestation.

Cory Booker breaks promise to help woman with raccoon infestation.

Cory Booker breaks promise to help woman with raccoon infestation.

Also, Booker did not even invent the piano key necktie. There are no more heroes, and God is dead.

[ DailyCaller / Buzzfeed / DailyCaller ]