Dan Bongino Distracting From Being Wrong About Epstein By Being Wrong About Russia

THIS time you can trust him, he promises, baby.

Oh no, Deputy Director of the FBI Dan Bongino is all up in his feels again. Why must the public torture him by demanding answers to all the bullshit mysteries he has spent years pushing for fame and fortune and ad revenue from grifters selling colloidal silver as a miracle cure for impotence or whatever, simply because he is now in a position to do so? Just because he promised? So unfair!

Bongino, the former podcaster and biggest meathead to enter public service since the invention of public service has been getting some blowback from his angry fanboys ever since he and FBI Director Kash Patel announced that, contra the conspiratorial bullshit they pushed on the gullible MAGA weirdos for years, disgraced sex fiend Jeffrey Epstein had in fact committed suicide in his jail cell in 2019.

Bongino and Patel tried, though. They went on TV and said no, there was no secret hit squad, no conspiracy, no CIA mind control waves directing Epstein to off himself. There was simply an exceedingly rich man, stripped of all the trappings of his wealth and facing spending the rest of his life in prison, deciding he would rather not live through all that, thank you very much. Epstein out!

Unfortunately, Bongino had spent years priming his fans to expect a completely different answer to this alleged mystery. And now that they are finding out that he had been stringing them along, they are having trouble accepting it. Last week it was reported that the meathead was telling people he was seriously worried about his fan base turning on him. Which does not seem like the sort of thing we as Americans should want the deputy director of the nation’s largest law enforcement agency to be concerned about!

It has all made Bongo the Clown stressed out and sad and defensive. Especially defensive, as this tweet from the weekend indicates.

It’s not quite as pathetic as that time two months ago when Bingo Bango went on “Fox & Friends” to complain that if he had known how hard it would be to work more than three hours a day, he never would have left podcasting. But it’s close!

During my tenure here as the Deputy Director of the FBI, I have repeatedly relayed to you that things are happening that might not be immediately visible, but they are happening.

He’s doing the “South Park” version of Donald Trump: Hey, relax, guy! Everything’s fine! Take a load off! I love you!

Bongino is also sliding dangerously close to QAnon “Trust the plan” territory, telling his fans not to lose faith in him, of course he’s still fighting the good fight against the Deep State. Stay tuned!

But what I have learned in the course of our properly predicated and necessary investigations into these aforementioned matters, has shocked me down to my core. We cannot run a Republic like this. I’ll never be the same after learning what I’ve learned.

Is he spiraling? He seems like he’s spiraling.

Bongino did not specifically say he was talking about the Epstein case, so we thought maybe he has learned something else that has shocked him to his core. Maybe he found out that the stories about UFOs being stored at Area 51 were a cover to keep people from learning it is really a giant weed farm. Maybe he did a 23andMe and discovered that he’s Jewish. Maybe he found out that steroids are bad for you. So many possibilities!

If he was not talking about Epstein, then Bongino was repeating the mistake of getting his followers ginned up over bullshit. And if he was talking about Epstein, he was repeating the mistake of getting his followers ginned up over bullshit after doing so has already bitten him on the ass once. Had he not learned his lesson? We’re starting to think the guy must be quite an idiot.

We are going to get the answers WE ALL DESERVE. As with any investigation, I cannot predict where it will land, but I can promise you an honest and dignified effort at truth. Not “my truth,” or “your truth,” but THE TRUTH.

There is not much to say to this beyond “LOL, lmao even.” Bongino’s truth until like 20 minutes ago, far’s we can tell, was that there exists a Deep State, and it murdered Jeffrey Epstein to cover up the fact that all the high-level elites in government were part of a giant pedophile ring. He has all the credibility of a four-year-old pushing her token up a slide in an intense game of Chutes and Ladders.

So after all of that, after teasing some weird and mysterious reveal, we discovered that what Bongino was talking about was not Jeffrey Epstein at all. Instead, he later tweeted out a link to fringe wingnut “news” site Just the News. And guess what? He was talking about RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA.

That link goes to a loooooooooooong story in which the writer tries to convince everyone that historically, Russia has meddled in US elections to help the Democratic candidate. The inference is that all this talk about Vladimir Putin trying to help Donald Trump win is total poppycock, because Donald Trump isn’t a Democrat.

The two U.S. presidential races immediately preceding 2016 (the ones in 2008 and 2012) also featured strong Russia hawks in then-Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., and former Gov. and future Sen. Mitt Romney — and no public evidence has ever emerged that Putin wanted these strong critics of his to win either race.

Okay? He probably didn’t? But then Donald Trump emerged in 2016 and eventually got his entire party aligned with the right-wing nationalism of Vladimir Putin, for reasons we have all talked about ad nauseam for a decade.

Then there is a lot about President Obama and his administration framing Trump by ignoring evidence that Russia was not backing him. So this is going to be Bongino’s strategy for getting his dumbass fans to forget he failed them in the Jeffrey Epstein case: by teasing big reveals in a different high-profile story that just happen to match up with the same paranoid worldview he was pushing as a podcaster.

In short, he’s repeating the same pattern in the hope it will play out differently this time. Which makes him either insane or an idiot. Or, most likely, both.

OPEN THREAD.

[Xitter]

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